advice for what to say......

[BigEthel]

After having our son I was not able to have anymore children. We had the opportunity to adopt. A very long story and very confusing. Now I have tried to be semi open to my daughter about the adoption situation. We keep going around in circles about how she did not come from my belly and that I love her just as much as if she had. Her age is 7, and my husband thinks that she can not comprehend the idea of any of it yet. Well my husband is not around when I hear her talking to her girlfriends (whom a few of their mums are Pregnant) and she will tell them about how she did not come 'out of my belly" and they will start asking me questions and I get very depressed and I get tongue tied from 7 year olds interrogations. It is hard enough to explain to my daughter but now her friends must know. Neither of these things can I do with a easy explaination.... I guess what I am asking is if I should stride by these questions and bring out the treats when they start to fire at me. Or look into family counciling to give me support for the words that I can not bring forth to make her understand.
therapists and psyc's scare me!
Any words of wisdom would be highly appreciated.:flower

[InsomniacBrat]

Maybe the simple answer of "she was adopted" would work? if they want further details, tell them that you wanted another child, and knew there was one out there that needed you, so you adopted her and made her your daughter? I don't really know.

[cheeky]

Have you checked out any books about adoption and explaining it? I bet there are some that have been written on the subject they may help you and you dd understand this and talk about it.

[BigEthel]

I am sure that I will sound like a shit head when I tell you that I have never thought about going to the library or other books sources for information. I guess it is a situation I never thought about. It is a day by day learning experience. Thanks for the ideas.

[Bite Me]

my son is 4 and his friend is adopted. when he heard the word and asked questions, we got some books from the library. they were great, and there are tons to choose from. you can even call the library, have them pick some out and then just go and pick them up. kids accept whatever you tell them, but you must tell them something. the simpliest truth is always the easiest. moses was adopted - you can watch the video and talk about adoption.

[SWMBO]

My SIL has a cross-stitched verse on her wall :

Adoption is when you grew inside your mommy's heart instead of her tummy.

Her dd is only about 3yo, so they haven't really had to address the interrogation part yet, but they plan to be honest and try to answer any questions she has very simply but truthfully. I know that's way easier said than done, but it sounds like there are some good resources out there. Maybe someone here knows of a message board frequented by adoptive mothers where you could lurk (or post ;)) for ideas or other examples? Wishing you well in any case.

[BigEthel]

SWMBO
I really like the cross stitch phrase. It is beautiful! Thank you for adding some words of wisdom. Advice is always welcomed by me in this subject! I will make sure that I use that phrase!

[BethyM99]

Good luck BigE with the explanation. SWMBO, that is a wonderful phrase! I have a friend that just adopted that I will share it with.

[SWMBO]

So glad you guys liked the phrase. It really touched me when I read it. I think you'd love my SIL. She has been through the mill with infertility stuff, yet she never gave up and is now SO much the mommy with her little girl. She said life really got easier when she realized that her path to motherhood was there, it just wasn't the one everyone expected. She's quite a woman.

Keep your fingers crossed -- BIL and SIL are very close to adopting a little brother for Elizabeth. The birth mother was scheduled for induction this morning and I am just on pins and needles to hear how it's going.

You know, kids' questions are always tough, because they have this uncanny ability to cut through the fluff and get right to the heart of an issue. My SIL says she plans to always be as honest as possible, because a kid will catch on to a half-truth in about five seconds. I guess the hard part is knowing just how much information to share at what age. She figures she'll know when it's time to get a little more detailed when the questions get more complicated. One thing is for sure -- when children are involved, there is never a dull moment. :)

[BigEthel]

:clap Will be wishing your sil and bil the best of luck in their new endevors! Bravo to both of them and the woman that is helping!:hippy

[Paka]

my MIL gave me th e advice of "Answer their question, if they need more they'll ask more." This is how they handled their kids' questions on everything. They ask age appropriate questions....if they're curious, it's the age to answer. Like the infamous..."Where did the baby come from?"...."My tummy." Satisfactory answer for them. I've had more from my oldest (6) though. :)


I know this is a bit off, I don't have anything else to offer on the adoption questions than what has been said.

Good luck though! She's a very lucky little girl to have a mom like you. :)

[Tigerlilly]

Maybe explaining that some babies are grown, some are chosen might help? The adopted kids I knew had been told that they were special becuase they were chosen to be mom & dad's above all other babies. It was a sort of different-but-equal theory that worked for them.