You're STILL breastfeeding?!?

[Small Town Ho]

Does anyone ever get comments like this? I never know how to react, usually I just spout out that pediatricians reccomend that moms breastfeed at least until 1 year of age.

Over the weekend one of my mom's friends was over and she has a granddaughter the same age as my son. She proudly told me that her daughter is done bf and was shocked that I was still going. Ds is almost 8 mos old. I hate ignorant people. Like switching to formula out of choice rather then necessity is some kind of accomplishment.

[Andibrick]

When her kid is sick with an ear infection and takes a month to get over it, She'll wish she had continued to BF.

I love when people tell you- Oh boy he's got a mouth full of teeth now, better start weening! Like that's a legitamate reason.

[momma2kai]

I hear it all the time. It used to be "so great" to other people when they found out I was bf'ing ds, but now that he's almost a year it's "weird" all of a sudden.

I'm constantly saying "The AAP recommends 1 year at least and the WHO recommends 2 years. Some cultures believe in bf'ing for even longer. I will bf ds until we are both no longer happy doing so."

That usually shuts them up or they go away muttering that I'm a freak. Oh well, fuck em. My boobs, my baby!

[Dea]

Just a tiny little vent from me about this.

I have been getting the "still nursing" comment about 10 times in the last month, and to be quite honest, I am fucking sick of it. My losah cousin is bugging me about it, her dh, my brother, a couple of chics in my playgroup and a few others. I am about ready to lose it. YES I AM STILL FUCKING NURSING. WHY DO YOU CARE? DO YOU WANT SOME? It has forever changed the way I feel about my relationships with these people. Why is it their place to condem me for doing what is best for my kid?

Ugh. It was a really rough weekend. My cousin and I have babies 7 weeks apart and we are opposites on our parenting styles. She ff's and she slaps her sons hands when ever he does anything she deems bad like grabbing for something she dosen't hand him. She always fucks with me about AP and co-sleeping, and bfing is a constant rock in her chaw. At dinner on Sunday she made a toast in front of my whole family and said "it's time to celebrate because Jake (my ds) is almost a year old and now Dea can FINALLY wean him!" My mother almost fainted and I was about to come out of my seat and murder her.

Yeah, so I am still nursing. I doubt my son will wean anytime soon because he loves it and I love that I get to spend that special time with him. I guess I need to quit getting so pissed off about the ignorance of others, or in some cases the sheer stupidity.

[Big Lots Quacker]

I get this all the time. I just don't get how it affects your life and why you care!!
My friend actually said to me that her ds never had any and he is fine. Sure he has had the flu and been in the hospital with bronchitis and is currently almost dehydrated "but it is not like it killed him".:banghead

[RJsMum]

Our ds's are close in age and I am jsut starting to get that "well how long are you going to feed him like that Crystal?" How ever fucking long I feel like it is what I feel like saying. But I tell them atleast a year and now I really freak them out I told my fil this past weekend I might go for two. His face hit the floor. DH just kind of looked at me, but he dosen't care he wants me to go for alteast a year. :asiaboobs

[snowymama]

After ds turned 2 I heard it ALL the time. It made me boil.

Like some of you ladies mentioned here, I felt like saying how their children are sick every other week, ds has never had a major illness. UGH!

Dh's aunt always used to announce to anyone around, "you aren't still feeding him the tit are you???"

FUGGGGOFF!

[zazen]

A friend had the nerve to tell me that if you are nursing for over a year it is only for the mom's gratification (not sure if she meant physical or emotional) and that it is bad for dd, and I needed to stop. I was so dumbfounded I could barely reply, that she could be so ignorant and yet presume to tell me what to do.

I would never criticize someone else's choices, and yet the people who have no clue don't hesitate to speak up. I think it's because deep down she is resentful that she couldn't deal with bf'ing and had depression. She blames the depression on bf'ing and says she will not even attempt to bf'd her next. I don't know how to handle this, if I should speak up and tell her how I feel, or just let her do it her way. The whole thing really bothers me.

[Butter]

I just say "I'm cheap, I'm lazy, and better than some cow!"
:liteboobs

[sophrosune]

I'll probably get flamed for this, but honestly breastfeeding for a really long time kinda freaks me out -- like after the kid can talk. I just feel like once a kid is able to use language he has to talk to fulfill his needs -- that's the tradeoff, and breastfeeding is for when he is not able to fulfill his needs himself and is totally reliant on his caregivers.

I haven't gotten that far yet with my kid, and maybe I'll feel differently once I do. But I try not to judge people in their parenting styles unless they are blatantly abusive or obviously creating problems, and I can't believe people freak out about an 8 month old being breastfed. I plan on going for a year.

It's also probably compounded by the fact that the only person I know who does it is this psycho family member who is raising a total brat because she doesn't give the kid any space and has no idea how to discipline him -- he is over 3 and still breastfeeding and now she wants to homeschool him. He is totally undisciplined to the point of acting disturbed... he gets violent, often hitting people and throwing things for no identifiable reason. Maybe if I had a better "role model" I would feel different about it too.

[Mendy]

I don't understand the whole, when a kid can walk, or talk, or has teeth, it's time to stop nursing. What in the heck do they have to do with each other?

Not to mention my ds was walking at 8 months, started asking to 'nursh' at 6 months. I didn't see those as reasons to stop, but rather how well my ds was growing and thriving on my milk.

I don't think it's anyones place to tell someone when to stop nursing their kid. You don't know their kid, so how in the heck can you say if they are ready.

Oh, and I just love that 'doing it for yourself' crap. My doctor told me if you nurse after 2, your just doing it for yourself. What a load. My ds is just over 2 years old. I have been ready to wean for some time now. I can't think of one thing I 'get out of it'.

I think people need to get over the whole sex/breast thing. Your one, or two, or even three year old doesn't see your boobs as sexual, they see them as the same comforting object they were at day one.

[Fern]

dd is 11 months and i've been getting this question for 2 months now. i, too, spout off the AAP and WHO recommendations.

my sitter, who is actually wonderful, keeps making comments about how dd's got teeth now so i'm going to have to wean her soon. i always say that she's not too bad about biting -- actually her latch these days is quite painful, but nursing is way too important to her for me to wean her.

to tell the truth, i am SO over nursing. i am sure i'll be emotional about the last time i nurse her, if i realize it's the last time as it's happening, but i am ready to put away the pump and i'm ready to not have 6 evil little teeth chawing through my skin for hours at a time.

sophrosune, i understand what you are saying about weaning once the child can talk -- i used to feel the same way. but i think you will feel differently once your baby is getting to that stage -- my dd can say about 10 words and is thinking about walking, but she is still SUCH a baby and is so dependent on me for comfort, reassurance, care, etc., that there is no way i could stop letting her nurse just because she can indicate that she wants it.

[AJBE]

dd #2 is almost 15mos and not only am I still nursing, but I'm still pumping at work. My co-workers think I'm nuts :dunno Why it seems to be an issue for them is beyond me. Also, I'm not going to do any less for #2 than I did for #1 who nursed until she was 28mos.

[Big Lots Quacker]

I also used to wonder why nurse past a year. I thought at a year they could drink "real milk" so why.
Now I realize there are days she will refuse to eat anything but french fries or tomatoes. I know she is getting all the nutrition she needs. I also found out a lot about cows milk and how human milk is better.

Talking isn't an issue b/c when she says"just a bite". There is no way I can say no.

Teeth? It may be different for some but she doesn't bite me. I floored my mom one day when she asked about the biting for the hundreth time. I told her that dh never bites me when he sucks on my boobies for foreplay, unless I want him to, why would dd just bc she has teeth. She has NEVER broguth it up again. :lol

I don't really think it has anything to do with how old the child is to some people. My best friend thinks it is "gross" to do it past 3 months. She was going on and on one day. I was telling her about the WHO and everything. She said that 3 month thing and I said "well, you have had a problem with me for well over a year then, what is the point of me quiting now?"

[Birge]

"I just feel like once a kid is able to use language he has to talk to fulfill his needs -- that's the tradeoff, and breastfeeding is for when he is not able to fulfill his needs himself and is totally reliant on his caregivers."

Soph - I don't understand. What does talking have to do with good nutrition? And if your kid is a "late" talker and doesn't talk until he's 2 yrs old will you nurse til then?

So a kid starts talking and this means you take away mama's milk and give him cow's milk. I don't get it. Or maybe you think breastfeeding is only about comfort at this age (1 yr????) and the kid should be able to express himself enough to get comfort another way?

I wish you would explain this more. I've heard this reason before and just don't get it.

[sage]

Yea, I don't get the whole "stop nursing when they can talk/ask for it" thing. Why? What does that even mean? When they can talk, they can also vocally ask for crackers or cheerios or formula too... is it time to stop giving those items to them? They can also ask for hugs... is it time to stop giving them hugs when they can say, "hug"?

I admit it, before I ever seriously thought about having a baby, I thought I would never breastfeed. But I certainly didn't look down on it either. *I* just didn't want to do it. I had hang-ups about my breasts (no abuse or anything in my past... I just come from a family of formula-feeders who are uptight about breasts). Once my husband and I started ttc, I started to research it and decided that I would try my hardest to breastfeed successfully, with a goal of 1 year. Now that my daughter is 6 months, my goal is 2 years or more! (Can't wait to shock family and in-laws with that one!) But even when I didn't understand BF, I never thought that asking for it meant it was time to wean! That just never made sense to me.

Nobody has yet said to me, "You're still nursing?", but the first person who does will be in for an earful. Keep talking about the AAP's and WHO's recommendations. It seems to me that people are more willing to believe it's "ok" if it comes from an authority rather than a real live nursing mother. (Cuz ya know, we're only doing it for our pleasure. It has nothing to do with our child's health.)

[Pollyanna]

It pisses me off that you guys get this kind of crap about nursing.

I pumped until baby was 18 months. If my coworkers thought I was nuts, they didn't mention it any more than usual. Actually, though, 3 of the ladies here pumped for at least a year so it is a very friendly atmosphere. The guys tend to pretend like they know nothing about it (and I don't really talk about it unless asked).

I don't get questions about the nursing much but then again, my dd (25 months) only nurses right before bed, and not every night anymore either. I figure she'll grow out of it when she grows out of it. She is a happy, sweet, healthy girl who occasionally like to nurse to wind down at the end of a busy toddler day. :lol

So for all you gals who are being tormented for nursing at 8, 9, 10, 11 and 12 months, just tell the people "Ha, this is nothing. I know these crazy ladies that nurse through two years (as recommended by the WHO) and BEYOND. Can you believe it?" ;)

(btw - my dd can talk and could since around 8 months. I'm not sure why cow's milk is suddenly more appropriate for her just because she puts together phrases and sentences.)

[Liza Doolittle]

I don't get this any more. I don't nurse my dd in public and all of my friends and family know better than to say anything to me about it. I suppose I'm going to start getting those comments about ds soon enough. :rolleyes

[sophrosune]

Birge:

I don't mean that I'm going to stop bfing the moment he says "mama", I just mean when kids can pretty much talk in complete sentences. It's this Lacan thing about how the acquisition of language means giving up the convenience of crying to have all your needs met and actually entering into a dialogue -- gradually taking responsability for your needs as you learn to use language. Somehow this coincides with weaning in my mind. I also don't particularly enjoy bfing although I believe in it so I'll probably be pretty ready to wean at 1 yr. It could very well be I just have some sort of hangup but it seems right to me, if it doesn't seem right to others (or to me when the time comes) then so be it. Although there definitely are people who infantalize their children for their own gratification and bfing for an extended period is part of it, but I certainly don't believe that's the case with everyone who bfs for a long time. And for me, 2 years is where it gets kind of iffy, if he isn't ready at 1 yr. I could go on for a few more months but I definitely want to be done by 18 mos or 2 yrs.

I'm never going to give my kid cow's milk. I don't even eat cow's milk myself.

[GoGoDancer]

Oh good God I get so much shit for still nursing my 18 month old dd. You would think I had arsenic in my tits after she turned 6 months the way some people act. I just roll my eyes, or if I'm in a particularly bitchy mood, tell them to mind their fucking business LOL.

My dd asks to nurse. I wasn't aware that speech development was an indicator of when I should stop nursing her. She isn't "infantilized" because she is still breastfed. She's a very happy, social, independent toddler who likes her mama's boobie milk. :dunno

[mab]

I never get any crap for it anymore and dd is 3 next week. And I NIP all the time. Recently this old lady (70+), overheard me talking about it and interrupted to say, "You're still nursing? How old is she again?" I put all my pride into answering "yep! She's almost 3," with a big smile, and she said, "That's great!" I was so surprised. She is definitely of the carnation & karo syrup generation. It felt so good!

I think people might be a little scared of me.

BTW, The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends a MINIMUM of two years now. And according to the WHO (World Health Organization), the worldwide average weaning age is 4 years. 4 years!

I want to know who the curve breakers are on that one! The US average weaning age is 4 months.

[hyperbabbola]

Sophrosune said:It's this Lacan thing about how the acquisition of language means giving up the convenience of crying to have all your needs met and actually entering into a dialogue -- gradually taking responsability for your needs as you learn to use language

My son is two and a half, and he is extremely verbal. It is quite common for him to say "Mumma, I need some nursies. Let's nurse on the couch, please". I either say "Okay, let's nurse on the couch" or "I can't right now, just wait a few minutes" or "It's close to naptime, let's nurse in the bed instead".

Re-cap: He determinines his need to nurse, and informs me of it. We enter into a dialogue at that moment about how/when I can meet that need. He doesn't have to depend on a random cry for me to deduce that he needs to nurse, nor do I think that method of communication was ever terribly convenient for him. ;) As he is learning language, he is most definitely taking responsibility for his own needs -- it's just that his most pressing need, still, is to nurse. I respect that and it works for us.

[marieanne]

My mil laughed when i told her my daughter was going to self wean. BUT SHE'LL NEVER WEAN!! yep, i know because i'm often walking past fields of fully grown cows still suckling, those damn cows and their self weaning methods :mad add that to the grown men and women in cultures where self weaning is the norm, and you've certainly got an argument there my dear mil. Of course once a child can talk we should immediately wean them from the antibody full goodness of breastmilk and replace it with milk squeezed from the udders of another species, thats the obvious thing to do for the childs own good. :asiaboobs

[Kady]

BTW, The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends a MINIMUM of two years now.

Could you post a link that says this? I have searched on the AAP site for their breastfeeding recommendation but I can't find it.

It's too bad that nursing isn't more acceptable in mainstream American society. My nursing habits are none of anyone else's business... to a point. Is there an age where it's just too old? What about 7 years old? Or 10? Or 15? At what point can you honestly say nursing has crossed the line? For some, that line is 2 years or even 1 year. It's so scary these days to think that your children can be taken away from you because some ignorant and in all liklihood childless moron thinks you are [sexually] abusing them by nursing a toddler. I think that's part of the fear of extended nursing. That and it's so ingrained in our heads that boobs are sexual objects. Nothing like 5 months of nursing for me to think my boobs are anything BUT sexual. :)

I haven't yet experienced any flack from others but DS is only 5 months old. My mother bf some of my siblings for a year or more so I'm not expecting anything but support from my family.

I wonder if some of the harassment is from envious women who regret not nursing?

[Momtose]

Originally posted by mab
BTW, The AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) recommends a MINIMUM of two years now. I keep hearing that they have changed it, or are changing it, or are debating changing it from one year minimum to two year minimum. However, I can't find anything to back it up. What sources do you have?

[Yeasty]

You should have heard all the shitty remarks I got while EPing and having thrush for over a year. It got worse when I found out I was pregnant again. People are going to say shitty things about stuff they are not educated about. They think that by saying it, they don't look as ignorant. What they don't realize is that it just makes them look like an even bigger ass for opening their mouth in the first place. Never let anyone talk you out of something you believe in.

[mab]

I got the 2-year minimum thing from my training as a lactation specialist at Northwest Hospital in Kirkland, WA, about a year ago - not on the web, but I will try to look it up and get back to you -

[mab]

hmmmm. haven't found it yet but found the one from WHO:

http://www.parentsplace.com/expert/lactation/qas/0,10338,240259_106043,00.html

to be continued...

[Spicoli]

mab, maybe you mean the AAFP? They recommend a minimum of two years of bf. The AAP recommends a minimum of one year with 6 months being exclusive bf.

[sirsuclalotsmommie]

I have a ds who is 8 mos almost. We busted our ass to get to where we are in our bf relationship, just as many of you did I am sure. I am certainly not going to stop now. I want to make it to a year, I don't know how long after that. We will see. But, I never could understand what peoples problem is with it. My mom supports me, but was appalled to find out I was going to do it for a year. Wait until she finds out I might keep going. Blech.

I was telling her a story about one of the ladies on another board that her child was 18 mos and she was still nursing and she rolled her eyes and said what is wrong with people...? What is wrong with YOU! Educate your damn self on something before you start throwing your stupid ass wrong opinions around.

Gosh that felt good. Thanks.

[mouthySCUM]

The only person who gives me a hard time is my Mum. DD is 20 months old and still nursing regularly. Mum said "glad to hear you aren't starving her with all this EN bullshit" when I told her DD had gone from the 5 percentiles to the 50 percentiles in weight. Mum believes that DD nursing is why she does not talk, fact is she does not talk to Granny :lol Mum believes if I refused to nurse DD that she would suddenly eat meat and sleep in her own bed. (I am still not sure how these issues concern her)

I am starting to think that if I weaned DD I could bring about world peace :rolleyes I have only had one experience with NIP and it did not involve any chatting. This woman actually stopped and stood right in front of me staring. I think I was so supposed to feel shamed, not sure though :lol

[MBtwingles]

My best friend just this morning tried to tell me about another mom in our mom's club that's nursing at 23 months. I asked her if she was going to talk about me like that when dd is that old because I intend to bf until dd weans. (She's 16months now)
:wtf

[Meanchickie]

Yeah, they do that all the time. I just tell them it is in my dd's best interest that we continue until she is ready to wean and I am ok with that.

Unless I don't like them then I just tell them to shut up.

[kwl718]

I've just recently been getting this as DS1 turned 1 a few weeks ago. One year is the magic number for alot of folks. I still pump at work too because I work alternate days during the week and I'm concerned that the daytime supply will be messed up on the days I'm off. DS1 loves to nurse before and during naps and I think he'd be crushed if there wasn't much there for him. I nursed DS13 until 20 months when he lost interest, I can't remember anyone giving me shit then, but maybe I've just forgotten.

It is almost entirely mothers of babies and small children who bring this up, men and older women never say anything. It must be insecurity. I tell them that it is still free, still good for him and that it continues to lower my risk of breast cancer (which my Mom had) even after he is one.

I'm also trying to put of the return of my cycles as long as possible, I was having perimenopause symptoms, in addition to my endometriosis, before I got pregnant and it was not fun.

[NubianMommie]

I am really being to get it now. My DD is 13 mos now, so of course her fathers family is starting to look at me crossed eyed. But, hey F*ck them. I works for us, all that matter is that my daughter is happy and so am I. :asiaboobs

[Maevele]

Well, my DS just turned 2, and I'm still not getting any shit about it. We haven't regularly nursed in public for a while, (because Hayden tries to haul my whole shirt up) but I will if the need arises, and I can't remember the last time anyone said anything. My mom finds the whole thing weird, but since she didn't nurse me, and I was on a bottle til I was over 2, she doesn't feel qualified to have an opinion. I did stop going to a particular restaurant because the owners gave me the stinkeye whenever I nursed there, but they never had the balls to say something to my face, either. I must look like someone you don't approach with stupid shit, and my family and friends know how strong willed I am, and if they started in, I'm sure they think I'd keep nursing til he starts highschool just to spite them.

[mab]

Originally posted by heps
mab, maybe you mean the AAFP? They recommend a minimum of two years of bf. The AAP recommends a minimum of one year with 6 months being exclusive bf.

that may very well be it - those classes were a long time ago - and I will happily admit to nursing brain back then and ever since! :asiaboobs

although I suppose when talking to the unconvinced it's a good idea to have your shit straight.

[clairemädchen]

I breastfed my dd till she was almost 3. I think I have heard almost every ignorant comment there could possibly be.

[Lasagna]

For us, it doesn't come up anymore. Strangers never assume that she's still nursing, and we don't live by any family. I think most people just assume she is weaned.

My "pro-bf" mom did tell me once that after ____ it's all about the mom. I was really confused and asked her if she just accused me of doing nursing my child because I need it, and not because it was best for my child. "oh, of course not, but if you were, it's not like it's a crime..."

And my "I ain't no vending machine" high school pal once said "OMG! I can't believe you're still doing that!

[Meli]

I still get that question. DD is 17 months, and I ask myself that question sometimes. I figure it's for a short period of her life, that I can deal with offering her comfort until she can find it in other ways:)

[Storm23]

Though i don't get that question asked frequently, every once in a while someone will say "you are not still nursing are you? Yup I certain am! DD is 17 months old but she doesn't nurse nearly as much as she used to.
There was this woman that i used to go stroller walking with who tried to convince me that nursing only provides nourishment up to 6 months old and after that didn't provide any such thing except for support and comfort. This was true because her ped. told her so. Personally I think this was something she convinced herself of because her husband told her she needed to go back to work when her dd was 6 months old.