thatsit, and others who may know... - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
More Support Than Your 18-Hour Bra Stunned friends? Illness in the family? DH grating on your last nerve? Whatever has you overwhelmed, come on in for more support than an 18-hour bra can give you!

 
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 04:03 PM Thread Starter
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thatsit, and others who may know...

I want to first off congratulate you on your ongoing sobriety...that is just wonderful!!

Basically I am looking for encouragement, I guess. I am 13 months 11 days clean today (pain pill addiction) and am involved with NA, have a sponsor and am currently working the steps. However sometimes it seems as if I'm going backwards in my recovery, instead of foward. I have days where I just want to say fuck it, and use. But then, of course, I play the tape in my head alllll the way out and see the consequences of what that will bring.

Does it get any better?

Please, no flames. That's why I brought it here, y'all.

TIA
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 05:41 PM
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Congratulations on staying clean Click here to enlarge

NA is a wonderful program and I cannot sing its praises enough.

Everyone has days like that, I hear people with 9+ years saying the same exact thing at meetings. We still have to live life on life's terms and some days are harder than others.

Isn't it already better, grace? Isn't a bad day clean still 100 times better than one day of using?

Keep coming back. Click here to enlarge
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 05:51 PM
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Way to go Grace!

Good to see youClick here to enlarge
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 06:34 PM
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Congratulations!

I have struggled with addiction for a long time. I think everybody has hard days and good days. Remember just take it one day at a time. Don't think about the future. It much easier to make it through that one day. Keep working the program. If you ever need to talk or BS I am here.
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 07:55 PM Thread Starter
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Oh it is absolutely better than it used to be!! But I have days every now and then when real life bites me and my thoughts turn to my drug of choice. My sponsor tells me that's normal, and to share about it in meetings, which I do.

And now...I'm sharing it with y'all. The more I tell on it, the better I feel

Thank you SO much for you support Click here to enlarge
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 07:56 PM Thread Starter
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Oh, and Muse....
Quote:
Isn't a bad day clean still 100 times better than one day of using?
YES YES YES!!!
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 08:33 PM
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You HAVE to work your program. It does get better, but you have to work it. You can access the Big Book online. If you need a copy of any other support books, PM me and I'll pick a few up at my next AA meeting.

All those dumb slogans..they work. One day at a time (one moment at a time), It works when you work it etc.

1. Clean House
2. Work your program
3. Help Others (Service Work!)

Get out of your own head.

Stinkin' Thinkin' never helped anyone. We have a different type of brain and it is sick, we cannot treat it like other peoples brains.

You might be ready for the 4th step. The tone in your email sounds like it. I'm getting ready to work on mine too. If you need some ideas etc. let me know. It's not easy, but it matters.

PM me. I am newly sober so all of this is so clear in my mind. I really believe that the reason I'm clean is because one evening this lady called me (she was drunk, but coherent) and we spoke for about 10 minutes. I knew I didn't want to be her. I also read an article about addiction to Vicodin (a persons story) and I was so happy that wasn't me. But for the grace of God go I.

It was me, and it can be me again. I don't have to drink today (you don't have to use today). You do know that you can attend AA (there are more of those than NA meetings) meetings and as long as you stay on topic, you can share. We have many addicts in our meetings and we welcome their views and thoughts.

I'm going to a meeting right now. Talk to you soon.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 08:37 PM
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One day at a time. Keep up the good work!
post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 08:56 PM Thread Starter
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I am on step 4 now, thatsit. So far, it has been the most difficult step for me. My sponsor has me work out of the NA step working guide, and off worksheets. I am listing my resentments, how they affected me (emotional security, pride, self-esteem, etc) and what my part was in all of that. Verrrrrrrrry eye opening!!

I can't pm you, I don't think, because I'm not a paid member. I don't mind sharing here really. But if you'd like to talk in private my email addy is [email protected] I don't know if that's allowed (posting my email addy) but I don't care who sees it.

I am going through a pretty severe custody battle with my oldest son which, in a nutshell, is a direct consequence of my addiction. I think that is why I am struggling so much lately. My sponsor told me to not pray for the result I *want* but to pray for the willingness to accept whatever happens....know only what *I* can control in this matter.

I go on occasion to AA, which is right down the road from the treatment center I attend once a week. It's pretty big, but I get alot out of the lead meetings. I have a big book and a basic text (na), but thank you so much for your offer! Click here to enlarge
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 09:02 PM
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Aw, I hear you. I had a bad week earlier this month.

I am in NA also. I am not doing things as well as you are though. I don't call my sponsor and I'm sure she's fired me. I don't use my phone list as I'm too scared to call people and I've cut my meetings back to just the one I secretary, which is NOT good. I am putting my own recovery in danger, and I know I am. I'm sure that is one of the reasons I had a bad week. I managed to pull through with lots of prayer and obsessing over building a closet in my house, lol.

There is an excellent website, soberrecovery.com, that you might find useful. And like someone mentioned the online AA book, you can get online NA books too (Basic Text, How it Works and Why and Just for Today).

I hope you get out of your funk. Perhaps load yourself with a ton of meetings, along with all the other things?

I'll include you in my prayers tonight. Good luck and keep us updated!
post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-29-2005, 09:06 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you smeg. I know how hard it is to pick up that 200 pound phone Click here to enlarge but keep practicing at it. I don't think your sponsor will fire you. Just give her a call to check in with her every day. Meetings, meetings, meetings! I go to at least 3 a week, which sometimes I feel is not enough. But, with the kids in sports, my work schedule, and the basic daily housekeeping, it's hard.

I'll keep you in my prayers as well, smeg Click here to enlarge
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2005, 01:53 PM
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You know when you come out of meetings and there are groups of people milling around talking? 90% of the time they are planning to go out for coffee. Invite yourself along.

Go in and start talking "I really liked what you had to say." "That really hit home with me." "Are you going for coffee? Mind if I come along"

You will never be turned down. NEVER. If they weren't planning on going to coffee, someone will go with you, if you suggest it.

They need you as much as you need them. You can't keep what you have unless you give it away.
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2005, 08:55 PM Thread Starter
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Great advice, todolist. I find that I isolate at times, and that is soooo dangerous. I have a hard time meeting new people irl but it gets easier the longer I'm in recovery.

Thanks Click here to enlarge
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2005, 10:36 PM
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Good to see you Grace! I tried to pm you, I have no idea if it worked.

Feel free to email me at [email protected]

Id love to catch up.
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-30-2005, 11:53 PM
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We cannot isolate ourselves. It is very dangerous. If you remember that you can help yourself.
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-09-2005, 10:05 PM
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Click here to enlarge Graceiha....just wanted to say it is good to have you back, and even better that you are doing well. Keep up the good work.Click here to enlarge
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-10-2005, 10:46 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you somrluvin Click here to enlarge I must say I am glad to be back here. Although an elephant never forgets, I hope an elephant can forgive Click here to enlarge Although I am not making excuses for my past behaviour on this board, my using had everything to do with it...I literally had no conscience Click here to enlarge

I feel great!! I am now 13 months 3 weeks and 1 day clean..my clean date is May 18 2004. I hold that date near and dear to my heart, along with my kids birthdates, weights, etc. Click here to enlarge

Thank you all for your ongoing support! Every day clean for me is truly a miracle Click here to enlarge
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-11-2005, 10:59 AM
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First off congrats!! That is a ton of very hard work and dedication on your part. You're going to have good days and bad ones. My uncle has been clean 15 years and still feels that way from time to time. He said it does get easier although if you're going through stressful times it can be worse. I wish you the best. Keep going strong!
post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 07-13-2005, 04:05 PM
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I don't know you Grace and others, but I congratulate you all on your sobriety. Keep up the great work!

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