Just FUUUUUUCK. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.
I just need to SCREAM and let some of this pain out. Why is this so fucking hard?
My ex. The mother fucker. Got a girlfriend the weekend after I moved out of our home. She is already practically living there. I've been gone barely 4 weeks now. I've changed my phone number so he can't call me whenever she isn't around... but my email hasn't changed... I've caught him in so many lies, that I don't what is the truth anymore. He wants to remain "friends"
He wants to keep in touch with my ds.. (He was with us for 6 years, and he's just about 8 now)
The thought of him being with another woman already makes me want to DIE. I was the one who wanted to leave because he spent NO time with us. Why does this still upset me so much? FUCK, it just pisses me off. I'm so sick of being sad all the time. Why is it so hard to remember the bad shit after leaving a relationship? He was fucking selfish, a leach, a taker, a 4 minute man in bed, a shitty, uninvolved parent, never had a fucking dime, and mooched off me all the time. He was also my best friend, he made me laugh, he made my heart beat faster, he was a fantastic keeper of the home, a hard worker...
What the fuck is my problem?
I can't bear to let ds go over there and interact with the girlfriend. I already want to claw her fucking eyes out. She was enticing him long before I moved out. She's closer to his age (I'm 12 yrs younger) and she has no kids. With her, its all fun, and no family. He now ignores his 2 boys who live at home, even though the youngest is only 16. He NEVER even knows where they are.
Tell me someday he'll feel some of this sorrow I'm feeling? Fuck. It just pisses me off how easily, and QUICKLY he moved on. I met him 4 years after he split from his wife. He was celibate for 4 years. With me, I didn't even earn a weekend, after 6 years. FUCKER.
Maybe this was my first real, deep love, and I've never had a
heart before. I don't know. I can barely see through the tears, I haven't eaten a meal in 2 weeks. I just don't how to start healing.