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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-23-2006, 08:38 PM Thread Starter
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Not sure where to go with this...

Hi - I am new to the board but I have done some reading and I will be perfectly honest many of you seem like very intelligent individuals and I am quite impressed. Thats why I feel comfortable opening up and spilling it to yall cause I think I can get some honest and thoughtful responses.

First off I was with my son's Father, John, for 5 1/2 years. We seperated once in 04 then again late last year this time for good. I love John truly I do but he was emotionally unattatched to me (and physically ugh) and it just wasnt working out. I had been with him for such a long time since I was really a child and alot of who I am was shaped by our relationship. A few months after our seperation a guy named Joseph started hitting one me and asking me out and I decided to say 'yes.' Now Joseph is the total opposite of John. He is very loving and attentive and literally will bend over backwards for me. We have been dating almost a year now and he is pretty much moved into my house. My son adores him and I really couldnt ask for a better boyfriend. Now for the PROBLEM, I know Joseph wants to settle down and marry me and there are times that I am soooooo wanting that and then there are times where I miss John terribly. Ive even caught myself shedding a few tears over John. I dont know if necessarily miss HIM but perhaps I miss what we once shared and even what could have been.

Is that normal? Should I be having these feelings or do I need to get over it! UgH I feel absolutely ridiculous! I love and care about Joseph so much but I think a huge part of me misses my "friendship" with John. I feel pathetic.
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-23-2006, 08:49 PM
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You've known John for a long time, that is just what is going to happen. It's okay to acknowledge old memories as long as you can move towards the present.

You can move on and even do it in the best way by remember the past. I don't think it says that you're not ready, I think it says that you are human.

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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-24-2006, 06:00 AM
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Yep. I think you need to move on somehow and get over John. There sounds like there's no future there, and from what you say, you're very happy with Joseph.

No relationship is the same, you can't expect your relationship with Joseph to be the same as it was with John. I'm sure that your relationship with Joseph is better in ways that your relationship with John was.

We always remember the good parts of past relationships. You have to remember that there's a reason you're not together.

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-24-2006, 06:10 AM
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I personally think that maybe you shouldn't have him (Joseph) living with you if you are still having such strong emotions for John. You need to work through those feelings and if you are using Joseph as a distraction, then in time you may realize that your feelings for Joseph aren't as 'real' as they feel right now b/c your need for distraction is finally gone. Then you are left with facing a potentially different reality with Joseph, and how you relate to him.

It sounds like you still need some time and space. I say keep dating Joseph, but don't get so hot and heavy until you are truly free to feel emotion for him.
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 10-24-2006, 06:36 AM Thread Starter
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thanks for the responses ladies!!! Click here to enlarge
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