I called them about three years ago on my aunt. They just closed her case last month. I found out last week that she is an alcoholic, I mean I knew she drank but now I know the extent; she is drinking and driving, and I fear for her children. Same reason I called CPS the first time, and I thought she had gotten better. I was wrong; she is just that good at fooling the world. What do I do now?

If I call the cops, will they watch her and catch her drinking and driving? She needs to be locked up in a treatment center. She's been to jail for 18 months once before; she went from a hardcore meth user, to jail, and now it's beer. She needs to get a DWI. She does NOT need to be taking care of those kids (they are 6 and 8 and they WILL lie for her, I know they will.)

I'm scared of my aunt. She always says, "I've been to jail and I'm not scared cause you know what? They let you out." She is the type who will walk through a restraining order and come after me. Once I spill, and she will know it was me because I am the only person she has come clean to, I will be in danger unless she is locked up. I could go stay somewhere, take dd and go stay with my dad for a while, but how long will I have to?

This whole thing makes me so angry. I did the right thing three years ago when I called, and CPS didn't help any. They failed. Who do I get on my side now?

How old are her kids?

They are 6 and 8. Kindergarten and second-grade.

I'm so mad at myself for not seeing this sooner. She had us all fooled. The kids have never said anything either, which is why I'm sure she has them lying for her, or has somehow convinced them to never say that she drinks.

Sometimes you do everything you can do and then you have to let the powers that be take over. You've reported her. Maybe someone else here will have some ideas.

I'm sorry, it is really sad that she hasn't gotten help. I'm not suprised she went from meth to alcohol. Addiction is a sad scarey thing.

Is all she's doing drinking and driving? Not to make light of it, but if kids were removed every time someone was arrested for DUI they'd have to start stacking kids like cordwood.

I am 100% certain she is driving with her kids in the truck, after drinking, because she is a single mom. There is no way she can drink 6-12 beers a day and be sober when she takes them to and from school, shopping, sports, etc.

I feel sick that I didn't know sooner that she was doing this.

If she didn't live three hours away, I'd spy on her and call the DWI hotline when I saw her leaving her house w/ the kids. I'm that certain she has the kids with her after she's been drinking. I know that sounds like the chicken way out, but I don't know how else she can get help if she isn't caught red-handed because she will lie her ass off, like she has the last few years, and really nothing can be done unless there is concrete proof that she is endangering her children.

What about calling the school social workere where the kids' attend and letting someone there know that you're worried but you don't see the kids everyday so you're not comfortable calling CPS directly.

I thought about that, but I wasn't sure if it would help anything since it is hearsay (sp?) I know she has a legal obligation to report any suspected abuse, but is "the kids' cousin told me this" considered suspected abuse? I don't know how much a school counselor can do going off of just what they are told by another adult. Can she question the kids? Doesn't she have to let their mom know if she is going to talk to them? Ugh. I'm so over my head in this.

What I was thinking is that you give them a red-flag to keep an extra-special eye on the kids so if they DO see any signs of abuse, they know to report it ASAP. You'll put the kids on their radar, that's all. Not that they'd report based on what you were telling them alone.

There's no outward signs of abuse though. The kids don't miss school, they aren't tardy, heck my aunt is a room mom. She has never hit her kids that I know of, or abused them physically or verbally. It's her drinking that is putting them in danger. That's why it is so hard to know how to help her and her boys. It would be so much easier if she WAS hitting them, kwim? As it stands, it's my word against hers and no way to prove that what I say is true

I'd still call the school; it's possible she will come in smelling of alcohol and they'll know to LOOK for it and take it from there. It can't hurt, and you can ask to keep it anonymous with the school counselor.

True. Thanks.

Well, there is a way. If she is drinking later at night when they are in for the evening. I think there might be very little you can prove unless she is caught in the act.

Also, I don't see what the school can do. Drinking itself is not illegal. Not even when consumed excessively in the presense of children.

If you're so far away, how do you know she's doing this? I'm confused.

I talk to her almost daily and go visit every couple of months, and she comes down here about once a month. I was up there for three days last week helping her (her dh left her; which is a good thing because he's an asshole, but bad because she didn't drink around him.) That's when I saw how much she really drinks. I was thankful her boys were staying with my mom, and we only had my truck there, so I did all the driving. She started drinking at 9 am! She has a serious problem.

My mom and aunt got in a big fight Thursday morning over my aunt's drinking, because she lies about it. Kayla told my mom "Aunt K bought beer on the way to Canyon" (she didn't, Kayla was confused on that point, but she was right about my aunt buying beer.) So my mom asks me, I tell her everything I know, she confronts my aunt, aunt denies it (calls my daughter a liar, not cool!) says my mom thinks she's evil, she's doing nothing wrong, typical denial and anger you see in an alcoholic when confronted with their problem.

No one in this family, except for me, has ever stood up to my aunt. It's not easy for me, my aunt and great-grandma raised me! She took me on when she was 20 years old, even arranging her work schedule so she could pick me up from school.

My mom and grandparents enable, enable, enable. They paid my aunt's mortgage and utilities and bought food when she was blowing all her money on meth years ago. I confronted my aunt with a bag of meth in front of my grandma AFTER MY AUNT HER FIRST SON and NO ONE did a fucking thing! I understand it is hard to turn in your daughter but come the fuck on! Once children enter the equation, it doesn't matter if it's your spouse, daughter, or the pope, you do what is right! I have done all I can to help my aunt, but I alone can't fix her. I need help and I don't know who to turn to. I'm angry and hurt and fuck, I'm going to need counseling after all this

She's coming into town today for my dad's birthday and she calls me and doesn't even say hi, hello, how ya doing, it's "Wanna go get a beer when I get in town?"

http://www.google.com/search?source=...=functional+al

It is hard because you don't know that she drinks at those hours and to that extent when she has her kids. But, assuming she does, and like DA, not to make light of drinking and driving, it sounds as if she could be a functional alcoholic. As in, if she isn't drinking, she is going through withdrawal, and less stable than when she is drinking.

There are no easy answers, especially with the physical distance.

I'm sorry.

Smephanie, I assumed that my MIL would have a little compassion and some empathy with some of my STBX's issues because of the fact that her granddaughters were affected. She turned it around and said all of his behavior was ALL MY FAULT. Classic enabling behavior. I was surprised at first, but nothing shocks me anymore. Denial is so much easier and much less work.

Wondering if you have an update; did you decide to call the school?

I am not sure if she is a functioning alcoholic or not; all I know now, is that she starts drinking at 9 or 10 am and drinks throughout the day until 9 or 10 pm and apparently, I have not seen her sober unless you count the time it takes her to do her makeup. I feel so stupid for not seeing it when I was there all the times before. She was drinking when I thought she wasn't (tossing the bottles out the window before getting home.) Anywhere from 6 to 12 beers a day.

Sometimes she goes out to a restaurant/lounge with her kids and has something called a Michelatta? I probably messed up the spelling on that but it's beer and something else, a margarita? Anyway, it's strong, from the way she has described it, and she drinks two or three in a few hours. Then she drives because her "friend" gets "too drunk" to drive. And the boys are with her

I am glad that she trusts me enough to tell me all this now, even though it all came out a little at a time and some of it I pieced together myself. She says I'm the only one she can talk to who won't "tell on her." Like she's a teenager doing something wrong, that's how she talks to me. I kind of understand it. She was arrested for meth when I was 16, guess who practically moved in with her when she was on house arrest for a year? Yeah, me. I played "mom" to her since she was housebound. Then she started using again when I was 18 and living with her. She's been off drugs for like 7 years at least.

Anyway, she has been going back and forth trying to decide to stay in Texas or move back here. One day she's moving here, a couple days later my grandma is moving there, then it changes again. No one knows WTF she is doing from one week to the next

I haven't decided what to do yet. I just don't know.

I just want to say thanks for letting me get all this out. I don't really talk about it IRL, my husband is just sick of the whole aunt thing so I don't talk to him (I don't blame him, it's intruding in his life too.)

My grandpa was an alcoholic for years. So this does run in the family.