Seth got suspended again - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 06:58 PM Thread Starter
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Seth got suspended again

This time from his daycare for choking a 3 year old girl. Click here to enlarge Click here to enlarge

I don't know what to do anymore. All the advice I'm getting IRL is that he needs to get spanked. WTF is a spanking going to do to help a kid so screwed up that he thinks it's ok to choke a little girl for "being a liar"??????????????

Our insurance help line just offered me an appt at the psych clinic but judging from the last time I took him it will be completely useless. It's "hi, go through this 60,000 step process and we will get him help!", wtf use is counseling when he's choking little girls? I need help right now and I don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!1


The only thing that anyone said was to take him to the ER for an emergency addmittal but is it an emergency? He's not currently choking a kid, he could go another week without doing something like that? But wtf am I going to do if he does? What if he really hurts someone? Oh god.
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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 07:10 PM
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I think you need to have him evaluated for behavior disability. His issues may not be something he can control. Spanking is going to do nothing for him Click here to enlarge You might want to consider taking the psych appointment and try to convey that this is an emergent issue, not something that can take 60000 steps. He needs help, now.

I'm sorry, I wish I had better advice. I hope you can get some help soon. Click here to enlarge
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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 07:21 PM
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Juni, sorry, I don't remember that many details from your previous post--Have you already asked for his pediatrician's advice? How old is he?

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post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 07:24 PM Thread Starter
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He's 8. I was given a referral for ADD testing which involved getting a packet filled out by me, his teacher and including report card and some other various stuff. I mail it back and then I'll get called for an appt.

I was actually going to send it back tomorrow (I was waiting for his report card), but I don't think I can wait for the process to happen if he's hurting kids. It's not like I can take off indefinitely from work and keep him home so he doesn't hurt anyone.
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 07:34 PM
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Are there maybe support groups in your area for children with anger issues and things of that sort? He sounds like he needs some tools in dealing with hostility/frustration.

I'm sure it's stressful as hell, especially given that you work and don't have much free time. I wish there were something better I could suggest.

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post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 07:44 PM
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Take the psych appointment and be sure to tell the psych what happened.

When Molly was having disciplinary problems and we took her to a counselor, it did not take a million steps to have her evaluated. Do you think he has ADHD? Because medications for ADHD usually help pretty quickly (and they particularly help with impulse control issues).

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post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 08:07 PM Thread Starter
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Take the psych appointment and be sure to tell the psych what happened.

When Molly was having disciplinary problems and we took her to a counselor, it did not take a million steps to have her evaluated. Do you think he has ADHD? Because medications for ADHD usually help pretty quickly (and they particularly help with impulse control issues).
Kaiser says they won't give them meds until they are in an established treatment program. I can't wait that long. Who knows what he'll do tomorrow?

I can't do this
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post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 08:48 PM
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You can do this, Juni. You can do this. You just can and you just will.

Take the psych appt. Explain that this is emergent. I don't know enough about Kaiser to help you wade through their bullshit but is there a rep for your company you could talk to?

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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-05-2010, 11:04 PM
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Juni...You CAN do this.

You have no option but to do your best, which we already know you are absolutely doing. I know it can be so completely overwhelming and scary and frustrating. I so understand, but do NOT start to give up hope. Take it one step at a time.

Does your school have a behavioral specialist? Be the squeaky wheel and start demanding services.
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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 06:41 AM
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juni, does your employer offer an employee action plan or anything like that?

EAP was invaluable to me in wading through the insurance and benefits bullshit several years ago when we needed help.

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post #11 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 07:20 AM
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I forgot about EAP. I would absolutely start there if you have access to it.

I hope they take action quickly. I'm sure he must be so confused about all of this. Click here to enlarge
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post #12 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 07:37 AM
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I know you feel helpless and in despair, but you need to keep doing everything you can to get the help he needs. It's okay to make a pest of yourself. It's okay to be overly cautious and go to the ER if there aren't other options available to you. It's okay to contact the doctor doing the evaluation and convey your sense of urgency about the recent development.
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post #13 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 10:23 AM
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Take the psych appointment for now to get things rolling. I would also make an appt with a pediatric neurologist (ask your ped who they recommend) but it usually takes a while to get an appt.

IME the ER generally will not do anything unless he is in the middle of a violent episode and you have to call paramedics.

You can do this. When the shit starts to hit the fan, you will be amazed at how much you really can handle Click here to enlarge
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post #14 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 12:46 PM
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My ds did crazy shit like that too when he was in Kindergarten and 1st grade. I kept on taking him to the dr. (Military healthcare) telling them something was wrong and it felt like he just needed to be tweaked back in line a little (techy)

FINALLY I got someone to hear what I was saying and we started the process of ADHD/ADD screaning & he fell into the ADD area.
Medicine did Wonders, for real. I was worried he'd be acting drugged or all zoned out. In fact, it turned him into the sweet, rad little guy I knew he was, and he felt tons better as well.

We had kind of fell through the cracks in the system, becuase he wasn't hyper, he just had really bad decision making. It's like he's missing that 3 second pause to clarifiy if what you're about to do is okay or not.

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post #15 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 04:11 PM
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Quote:
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I was given a referral for ADD testing which involved getting a packet filled out by me, his teacher and including report card and some other various stuff. I mail it back and then I'll get called for an appt.

I was actually going to send it back tomorrow (I was waiting for his report card), but I don't think I can wait for the process to happen if he's hurting kids. It's not like I can take off indefinitely from work and keep him home so he doesn't hurt anyone.
Can you hand deliver it, or does it have to be mailed?

I'd send or take in the packet ASAP, and call to make an appointment with the psych clinic, too. Include a note with the packet that describes the choking incident, so maybe they'll put a rush on things.

Hopefully, either the psych clinic or the other psychiatrist/psychologist will be able to help.

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post #16 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-06-2010, 04:16 PM
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It's like he's missing that 3 second pause to clarifiy if what you're about to do is okay or not.
That's the best description of ADHD I think I've read.

Medication seems to allow my DD to control the impulses a lot better. It's like the medication gives her back the control that the ADHD had taken away.

Most of the time now, she can actually pause and think before she acts. She was the sort who would dart out into traffic without looking, or run and hide in a crowded shopping mall without considering that she might get lost.
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post #17 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-09-2010, 10:35 PM
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I agree with everyone else's advice, however, if you don't want to do that what is suggested above:

I have grandkids who abuse each other. they are about 8 and 10.

They come over my house and behave, then about a half an hour later - someone is crying. all that rough play.

So, what I did, is everytime they come over to my house I ask them "what are my rules?" and they say "Play nice and Play safe."

Then they go back to beating each other up a half hour later. So i put them on the couch for 8 minutes.

I don't yell at them. I just say "Ok its time out time" and they go sit on the couch.

I tell them for how long they gotta sit there. And they just sit quietly. If they talk or mess about, time out doesn't start until they stop.

then after the 8 mins - i ask them 'ok why are you in time out?" and we talk about it.

And that seems to work. But I have to be consistent.

IMO, yelling and spanking don't really teach the child good behavior.

One thing to remember, is that children look to adults for ques as to how to behave, they are copy cats. So the whole "do as I say not as I do", doesn't work on kids.

So lead by example. Be calm and friendly and polite to your child. They usually respond positively to this, and it takes about 3 days for them to get on board. But it takes about 3 days of them resisting big time, because they want to see if you are serious.

Also, if you are one of those mom's who gives lots of 'chances' to the child...all you are doing is teaching them how to push your buttons.
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post #18 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-10-2010, 03:51 PM
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Juni, I can understand your frustration, and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

You absolutely HAVE to take the psych appointment, turn in the paperwork for the ADHD eval, and start the process for whatever ‘treatment plan/program’ they’re suggesting and all the rest of the stuff that seems like garbage that you can’t wait for.

There is no quick fix. None. Nothing. It’s unfortunately the name of the game, to hurry up and wait. In a way it’s a good thing - you don’t want to rush through the process of evaluating, diagnosing and treating a mental illness or developmental disorder.

As for medication - I’m guessing that you’re talking about insurance not covering medication until you’re in a prescribed treatment program.

If you do have an MD who is wanting to prescribe:

1) plain old Ritalin is pretty cheap out of pocket, I think.

2) Many doctors offer samples for medication, depending on the type - even Psychiatrists.

I’m not sure how it works in the US, but here doctors can’t give physical samples for stimulant medications. Stimulant meds are a special prescription that has to be turned in to a pharmacy within 3 days of the date it was written, or it becomes invalid.
Our psychiatrist, has however, given us ‘coupons’ for trial prescriptions.

Ask. Also, many of the drug companies have programs to help people that can’t afford medications.

As overwhelming as this all seems now, you will work it out and it will get better. It might never be perfect, but you’re doing the right thing for Seth and his life will be that much better for it - and so will yours Click here to enlarge

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post #19 of 21 (permalink) Old 04-11-2010, 06:00 PM
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Juni, how's it going?

I'm doing it because she asked but I really do her.
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post #20 of 21 (permalink) Old 05-06-2010, 09:39 AM
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Kara, with all due respect, she isn't dealing with normal sibling rivalry here. Consistency, while important, is not going to fix this.

Juni, how are things?
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