I'm going to vent too...RE: Crazy mom from previous thread on ME. LONG. - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
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post #1 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-16-2011, 10:54 AM Thread Starter
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mad1 I'm going to vent too...RE: Crazy mom from previous thread on ME. LONG.

Thanks to someone here, after the slapping incident with my mother, I have come to realize that she may have a personality disorder. I haven't talked to my mother since the incident. No contact, nothing. I guess this is the best way to handle these personalities and I have to say I've been very happy the last 2 months. This is not without my dad trying to run interference and make excuses for her, etc. I do not allow my kids over there anymore and while I know it's pissing my mom off, I am not doing it for revenge or whatever. I would not intentionally keep my kids from their grandparents just for shits and giggles. I'm not vindictive like that. I just do not trust their judgement anymore.

Anyway, I digress. Today I ran into her at the store. I avoided her, was at the check out line and was sure I had missed her. The door opens and someone comes in. I glance over and it is her. She's come back in to find me.Click here to enlarge She walks up like nothing has happened and says Hi, makes some small talk. Then she wants to know if we can talk. She has not apologized or said a single word in 2 months. Now, she wants to talk. Against my better judgement and hoping maybe we can resolve this, I agree, check out and go to her car to talk.

She starts crying a little, saying she can live like this, she needs to see her grandchildren. She says she's sorry for what has happened (I'm over the apology bit anyway. At first I thought that is what I wanted and it was, but after 2 months, any apology is going to ring hallow). I'm actually composed, which is odd because I usually break down like an emotional idiot when it comes to stuff like this.Click here to enlarge I told her not to cry, that I was sorry things got out of hand too.

Then she starts with Facebook. How I wrote some awful things on FB. This is where I'm just staring slack jawed. Really? You slapped me, haven't talked to me in 2 months and you're bringing up something I wrote on FB (which btw she had already blocked me and heard about 2nd hand). I told her it's not about facebook. It's about her SLAPPING ME IN THE FACE. TWICE!! Well, she says....You were out of control. Um, by arguing with you? Really? Oh, that's right, because no one is allowed to have a differing opinion without an argument ensuing. And to be clear, she was the one out of control and SLAPPING ME! But whatever.

I guess I realize that this is part of her undiagnosed disorder. She needs to believe she leads a perfect life and anything that lets anyone know that her life is not outwardly perfect must be stopped. I cannot believe that I'm part of a crazy family. I guess I always knew that we didn't talk about things, but you know, some families just don't. I didn't fully realize that she needs psychiatric help.

I ended up having to get out of the car because she was getting so angry I was seriously afraid she would slap me again. She apologized to me because she wants to see her grandkids. She could give a fuck about me. Which, you know, BFD. I can live with that. What I can't live with is getting sucked into that mess of a family dynamic again. Oh, and the kicker. The thing that made me shut the car door and pretty much have to laugh to myself, is that she told me I would be happier if I got help and that she didn't need help because she was already on medication BECAUSE OF ME. The reason I found this hilarious is because she had some sort of a mental break when my grandmother died. Which was in 19 fucking 91. But thanks mom, for that last tidbit of info that you've needed to be on anti-depressants since I was in 9th grade because of me.

You would have thought that I was a drug using, rebellious teenager. Instead, I played sports, was on honor roll, graduated with a Regents Diploma with Honors, and went to college. Yeah mom, you sure had a rough teenager on your hands! Ugh. I hate that she can bring that inner child out in me too.

Sorry this is so long. I just needed a place to get it out all.Click here to enlarge
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post #2 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-16-2011, 11:03 AM
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post #3 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-16-2011, 11:44 AM
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post #4 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 02:04 PM
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I'm sorry it didn't go differently.
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post #5 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-17-2011, 02:10 PM
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Good for you for getting out before she sucked you in again.
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post #6 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-26-2011, 06:56 PM
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Sounds like my mom. Aside from stopping by unannounced (we live 2 hours apart) and calling & leaving sobbing messages every few months, we haven't had contact for 3+ years and it was both the hardest and best decision I ever made.
I mourn the loss of A mother (not my mom, but the mom she should have been) still and I think I always will but my life is better without her craziness. Plus I have 2 children I can't bring that shit into their lives.
My mom has borderline personality disorder. Google it, if it looks/sounds familiar I can pm you the names of some excellent books about bpd and surviving a parent with the disorder.

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post #7 of 14 (permalink) Old 11-26-2011, 07:14 PM
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post #8 of 14 (permalink) Old 12-02-2011, 11:02 AM Thread Starter
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tiddly, I'm pretty sure she has BPD. Click here to enlarge
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post #9 of 14 (permalink) Old 12-02-2011, 01:35 PM
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Good for you for getting out of the car and not letting her suck you in again. I'm sorry she said such hateful things and they are obviously not true. Just stay strong and find a new grocery store. Click here to enlarge
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post #10 of 14 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 11:21 AM
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I'm going to vent too...RE: Crazy mom from previous thread on ME. LONG.

I was thinking of you today. Are you still doing ok? I am glad you stood up for yourself.
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post #11 of 14 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 02:08 PM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm going to vent too...RE: Crazy mom from previous thread on ME. LONG.

Awww! Thanks. I'm doing good. I've let crazy lady come to see the kids. She was informed that she can see them here with supervision, but they aren't going to be going there. So they come by maybe once a week. Right after the store incident she wanted us to do something with them for Thanksgiving and xmas. Ummm...no way! I don't want shit from her. She also wanted to know if she could make me spaghetti dinner and cake for my birthday on the 29th. I told her no thanks to that too. Funny thing is, she was the one who said nothing could ever be the same again, which I totally agree. She broke a connection with me that is irrepairable IMO, but she wants to still celebrate my birth. Well, fuck her. Maybe after a while I can forgive, but right now it just still hurts too much.


sorry fiir typos. i haz fat fingrs on my phine.
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post #12 of 14 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 03:16 PM
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Good for you, Ilene! Click here to enlarge
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post #13 of 14 (permalink) Old 12-19-2011, 04:49 PM
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I'm glad you've found a workable set of boundaries.

I wish you lived here, I desperately miss my grandkids and would gladly take a couple on. I'm relatively sane too, I haven't slapped anyone since The Drunken Debacle of 1986
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post #14 of 14 (permalink) Old 12-20-2011, 06:24 AM Thread Starter
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Re: I'm going to vent too...RE: Crazy mom from previous thread on ME. LONG.

Lol NancyClick here to enlarge They are pretty awesome kidsClick here to enlarge Thanks guysClick here to enlarge

sorry fiir typos. i haz fat fingrs on my phine.
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