I feel helpless:( - Page 2 - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
More Support Than Your 18-Hour Bra Stunned friends? Illness in the family? DH grating on your last nerve? Whatever has you overwhelmed, come on in for more support than an 18-hour bra can give you!

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post #21 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 04:07 AM Thread Starter
Is it bedtime yet?
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post #22 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 04:12 AM
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Lots of people run into these same problems. It's part of the human condition and getting frustrated and depressed about things we would do differently, or can't change, is natural, but you'll pull through this and be better and stronger and happier when you do.

How old are your children? Can you make up a list of animal-related chores for them to do so the pets don't seem overwhelming. Stick the list on the door and they can't go out until they cross it off the list.

I think you should go meet with someone about your options, bankruptcy, or OPD (if they have that in the USA). You won't get out from under debt easily because you'll be paying interest and penalty fees. You shouldn't have to live with this pressure, life is too short.

Is there any sort of emergency help available in your area? Here if you're about to have power cut, some people qualify for assistance just for that amount of money as a one-time-thing.

For the housework, maybe pick one room, or one spot in that room and don't just tidy and clean, "stage it." Move a plant to the area, shift some photos, make it a little scene. I know that might sound silly, but if you have a small, picture-perfect spot, it can help motivate you to do a second spot and so on.

Is there anyone who can come help you catch up on household chores? Family, friend?

My dogs stink sometimes and I've bought eucalyptus essential oil (probably less than a $1 there. It's about $5 here). Two drops on a mat or sprinkled on the curtains will cover the smell without your home smelling like it's been sprayed. I just sprinkle it on their mat, between cleanings, we don't have any carpet on the main floor. I also wash the vacuum filter and sprinkle it on that, so the vacuum doesn't spread the dog smell around. You can get all different types of scents, though. I like that, but some people think it smells like cough drops.

Hang in there.

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post #23 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 04:22 AM Thread Starter
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I don't have any dogs, but what I do have is worse. 4 cats (one is jon's), 2 ferrets I'm fostering until the owner had her baby, a hamster, and 2 rats.

As far as the cleaning goes, I started with one thing late last night. Next thing I knew, it was 5 am and the house was clean Click here to enlarge to make sure it doesn't get that way again, I really need to make the kids do stuff around here. I take on this martyr attitude at times and say "I will just do it myself since no one cares". THAT will change.

As far as the pets, just keeping up with them, in general, is getting to feel overwhelming. Again, that's where the kids' help should come in.

Finances-wise, I am printing out some applications for help.with the utilities tomorrow (I go to lab today but can print it at school tomorrow...no printer here). In the united way website, I saw tons of resources I am going to look into. Bankruptcy will be a last option, if all else fails.

Its hard not to kick myself over and over. Most of y'all remember what a mess I was years ago. Even though I got clean, the shopping and overall lack of responsibility carried over for a long time until I started on medication. Its the damage that needs to be cleaned up, literally and figuratively.

Thank you all so much for the advice and support. I really need it Click here to enlarge
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post #24 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 05:50 AM
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post #25 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 06:16 AM
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If you're drowning in unsecured debt, you might seriously want to consider a bankruptcy. If your debt isn't credit debt (i.e. mortgage, utilities, taxes, student loans, etc), the best thing you can do is contact each one of these guys and show a good faith effort of working things out. Figure out what you can truthfully pay them each month, and stick to it.

You'll get through this Click here to enlarge
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post #26 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 06:45 AM
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I'm sorry. Click here to enlarge

Since bankruptcy takes a long time, you could go ahead and get the ball rolling. If you get back on your feet and don't need it, you could always stop the process.

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post #27 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 06:48 AM
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I feel helpless:(

I have been in this spot. Hell house just about destroyed me. I was in a bad place, our finances were shit, the house was a huge source of embarrassment. It was bad.

Cleaning one room at a time is a strong strategy and I am glad you got that. What worked for me getting the kids help is that I broke each room into pieces and assigned a piece to each kid. In the LR for example, one kid would pick up the floor, one would clear off the coffee table and I would vacuum. Nobody wanted to clean an entire room alone but doing 1-2 smaller things in each room worked for all of us and it got done. If you can make yourself do that daily it takes only a few minutes instead of hours.

Bankruptcy sucks but if you are at the point of being at risk of garnishment or losing your house, you might need to look into it. Have you done a budget to see where your everyday bills come out? Start there and then see how much you can afford to throw at old bills. Breaking it down might make it more doable or you may find that you can't do it. If you don't have the money, you are going to have to find a way to bring more in or cut what is going out.

There isn't much more stressful than playing the money game. There is another side if you can just get there.

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Please remind your children what to do if their clothing catches fire. It could save their life.
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post #28 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 08:25 AM
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Congrats on getting the house clean. I'm awful at it and I often hit the point you were at, then I would clean like a mad woman but a week or two later it would be on its way back. I've finally Click here to enlarge the cycle by cleaning ALL the days. I usually sweep the bathroom in the morning and the kitchen at night. I vacum every other day. Dishes are cleaned immediately or at the worst before I go to bed. Random stuff sitting around the house is picked up every night. All together I'm cleaning maybe 20 minutes ever day instead of cleaning for an entire weekend while depressed at how bad it got.

It's amazing how much this has helped my depression and anxiety. Knowing that I am in control of my house, remembering what it looked like and knowing it will never get back to that makes me feel SO much better about myself.

That feeling has helped me immensely to be able to focus and know that I can solve the other problems in my life. If I can finally take care of the crap I had to stare at and be depressed about EVERY SINGLE DAY, then I can do anything.

Keep it up!
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post #29 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 12:26 PM
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We've destroyed ourselves financially before and are on the brink again due to DH's medical issues and not working now but it's not quite to the level of before because we have the basics of money management down but instead of bad choices and bad luck. And I think if you sat down and thought about everything that brought you to this point, while some of it is going to be some of your bad choices, some of it is also just going to be bad luck. Be kind to yourself. Click here to enlarge

You know how you're taking control and doing one thing at a time with your house? You do that with the money problems. It's all about triage, identify what is most important and what you can fix right now and just focus on that.

In my family this is the order of importance:

Housing (rent/mortgage)
Basic utilities (gas/electricity/water)
Food, for both humans and animals
Phones
Medications, health care
Gas for the car

Those are budgeted first, and mostly in order. I use an envelope system. It sounds like you're looking into assistance programs and that's great. If you can, think of what you can cut to the bone. When we were dead broke we moved into a really cheap duplex with an upstairs neighbor who was a creepy drunk. Not ideal but it helped immensely. Not having a cell phone plan and switching to a landline like MagicJack and having a prepaid cell just for emergencies. I cooked all meals from scratch and we only ordered pizza once a month and never ate out. You get the idea.

It's like Flylady, focus on ONE thing and go from there. You probably don't have the time to cook from scratch, hell I don't right now either, but can you think of ways to cut food costs? Like shopping at Aldi's, limiting meat meals to once or twice a week, meal planning, etc? Just pick ONE tactic and try it, and if it helps, great! If not, try something else. Your money problems didn't happen overnight and nothing short of winning the lottery is going to fix it overnight either, so triage what you can and go from there, okay?

Good luck. Click here to enlarge
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post #30 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 01:03 PM
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Flylady really helps when things get out of control because 15 minutes is a really small amount of time that you can totally do, and when you see how huge a difference 15 minutes can make, it spirals into getting lots of other things done. My house is a wreck right now, but I know that if I focus on 15 minutes, I can have the living room all done and probably the dining room too. It looks worse than it is a lot of the time because of clutter. Getting rid of a lot of stuff really helped me.

Click here to enlarge with EvilBad about the baking soda - it really does help. Sprinkle it around, vacuum it up after about 15-20 minutes. Also, when it is cool enough outside, open the windows and get some fresh air in there, which can also help get out odors.

I would get rid of the ferrets ASAP, as they are not yours and are stinky. Click here to enlarge

I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
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post #31 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 07:48 PM
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You've gotten tons of great advice here so I just want to offer Click here to enlarge and lots of Click here to enlarge

"Hands that help are far better than lips that pray."

--Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-1899)
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post #32 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-15-2012, 07:54 PM Thread Starter
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And I am taking every bit of it to heart. Thank you all Click here to enlarge
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post #33 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-18-2012, 08:08 AM Thread Starter
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So guess what I walk into yesterday when I came home? My son having sex with some girl on my couch. Click here to enlarge

Kicked them both out. Jons comig here today to face the music...thinking we are gonna have to kick him out for good....again.
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post #34 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-18-2012, 08:24 AM
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I feel helpless:(

Jesus Mary and Joseph. Click here to enlarge
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post #35 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-18-2012, 09:10 AM
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Re: I feel helpless:(

Oh god, grace. Click here to enlarge.

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post #36 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-18-2012, 12:30 PM Thread Starter
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This does not help with everything that's going on. He needs to find another place to go. What if it were Jennifer or Thomas that had walked in, instead of me?

I just want to cry. A lot.
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post #37 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-20-2012, 10:39 AM
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I'm sorry Click here to enlarge Just wanted to add some Click here to enlarge in here for you.
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post #38 of 38 (permalink) Old 08-20-2012, 07:48 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks Click here to enlarge he moved out to god knows where. He was high as hell the other night. I am so worried thst I'm going to get that call one day Click here to enlarge
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