We've destroyed ourselves financially before and are on the brink again due to DH's medical issues and not working now but it's not quite to the level of before because we have the basics of money management down but instead of bad choices and bad luck. And I think if you sat down and thought about everything that brought you to this point, while some of it is going to be some of your bad choices, some of it is also just going to be bad luck. Be kind to yourself.
You know how you're taking control and doing one thing at a time with your house? You do that with the money problems. It's all about triage, identify what is most important and what you can fix right now and just focus on that.
In my family this is the order of importance:
Basic utilities (gas/electricity/water)
Food, for both humans and animals
Medications, health care
Gas for the car
Those are budgeted first, and mostly in order. I use an envelope system. It sounds like you're looking into assistance programs and that's great. If you can, think of what you can cut to the bone. When we were dead broke we moved into a really cheap duplex with an upstairs neighbor who was a creepy drunk. Not ideal but it helped immensely. Not having a cell phone plan and switching to a landline like MagicJack and having a prepaid cell just for emergencies. I cooked all meals from scratch and we only ordered pizza once a month and never ate out. You get the idea.
It's like Flylady, focus on ONE thing and go from there. You probably don't have the time to cook from scratch, hell I don't right now either, but can you think of ways to cut food costs? Like shopping at Aldi's, limiting meat meals to once or twice a week, meal planning, etc? Just pick ONE tactic and try it, and if it helps, great! If not, try something else. Your money problems didn't happen overnight and nothing short of winning the lottery is going to fix it overnight either, so triage what you can and go from there, okay?