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More Support Than Your 18-Hour Bra Stunned friends? Illness in the family? DH grating on your last nerve? Whatever has you overwhelmed, come on in for more support than an 18-hour bra can give you!

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post #21 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 07:15 PM
Wayward Wombat
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this makes my blood boil!! Click here to enlarge

Like Annie it's a hard nock life...

"Let it be far from my feeble mental capacities to extrapolate on my myriad examples that in my field of business led me to my conclusion that it would be better safe than sorry."
Soapy - because she is smert.


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post #22 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 07:32 PM
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I am with dubby. I have no advice to add, this just makes me so sad. You are doing a good thing. Take care of you during all of this also. Are you prepared to raise Thor if it comes to that? What happens if they cannot find a place for his brother? This makes me so angry at their mom and grandmaClick here to enlarge

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And Julie said "Futz", "Futz" said Julie.
"Futz around until my return."
The definition of "futz" was something we had yet to learn,
But we tried to do it anyway, anyway,
'Cause Julie, we'll do anything you say.


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post #23 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 07:41 PM
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IF he gets worked up try to do something rhythmic to get his heart rate back to normal. Do you have a ball you can bounce back and forth?
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post #24 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 09:40 PM
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post #25 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 11:03 PM Thread Starter
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You guys are wonderful Click here to enlarge Thanks for all of the great advice. You have no idea how much this has helped to just even talk about it here
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post #26 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 02:30 AM
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A good technique to calm him down is water play. A bath or even a sink full of water for him to splash in, it works so well for a lot of kids. If he's got developmental delays, it's just something to help.

Also, I would establish a routine and stick to it. Especially if you keep him long term. If he is able to understand his routine, and know whats coming, and that you're going to serve breakfast at XX time, play at XX time, it gives him control over his environment, and helps him to build trust as you deliver on that schedule.

I'm sorry that those boys have gone through this but I'm glad they're out of the house now. I can't even imagine what they've been through.

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post #27 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 06:28 AM
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Click here to enlarge to those babies.

Opinions are like orgasms. Mine matters most and I could care less if you have one.
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post #28 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 07:03 AM
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Those poor babies. Click here to enlarge. I agree with all the advice here re: establishing a routine asap. And piggybacking on EB's advice: A huge help with my boys (one of whom has delays at that age) was to fill up th kitchen sink full of warm water and soap bubble (baby bath works fine, but all natural dish soap is even better) and let them play with a spoon, wisk, etc. in the warm bubbles. It's like magic but you have to start it before the meltdown starts. For while it was part of our getting up in the morning and getting home from school routine; it really helped them making those big transitions during the day. When that didn't work I would get in the bathtub with the kid. We actually made a lot of headway doing some at home OT and language work that way (bathtub crayons, pretend play with bath toys, etc.).

You're doing a wonderful thing taking them, grace. Click here to enlarge. I worry that this will be overwhelming for you, I can't lie. Please take care of yourself.

"Hands that help are far better than lips that pray."

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post #29 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 11:20 AM
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Quote:
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No do not be strict. He is probably terrified out of his mind.
I agree with this 100%. I also wouldn't set any "boundaries" or rules for him, esp. considering the fact that this poor child is going to be taken, and placed with another family that will no doubt, set more boundaries and rules for him, that probably won't be equal to the ones you have set. Which will only confuse him. The only thing you need to do for a child that you say you are in no position to care for, is do the bare minimum that you CAN do. Provide for him. Feed him, clothe him, clean him, make him feel safe, and let him know that he and his brother are with people that care about them. <3

I can't imagine how confused/hurt he is going to be when he's separated from his brother. How awful. Click here to enlarge God.

Isn't this disgusting waste of skin pregnant AGAIN?!
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post #30 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 02:02 PM
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I will, Pudin. I do know that if he does get out of control, I will ask them to take him. It's not that I don't care for him...I really do. But, if I feel he's going to hurt himself, others, my pets, whatever, he has to go. So far so good though!

I hope you can reconsider this attitude. This kid has had absolutely zero stability. You can't just pick the brother because of biology. That is fucked up.

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post #31 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 02:19 PM
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I agree, Pudin, those boys should stay together. I am heartsick about it - it reminds me of my boys and how fucking imperative it was that they be together whatever the cost or sacrifice. Click here to enlarge

Like Annie it's a hard nock life...

"Let it be far from my feeble mental capacities to extrapolate on my myriad examples that in my field of business led me to my conclusion that it would be better safe than sorry."
Soapy - because she is smert.


Fuck you, Narnia!

http://www.sybermoms.com/forums/showthread.php?t=252503
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post #32 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 03:12 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by graceiha View Post
I will, Pudin. I do know that if he does get out of control, I will ask them to take him. It's not that I don't care for him...I really do. But, if I feel he's going to hurt himself, others, my pets, whatever, he has to go. So far so good though!
What a fucking horrifyingv thing to say Click here to enlarge This is not a stray that you have picked up from the pound, this is your grandson's brother, for God's sake. I am unclear about his exact relationship to you, but you had better figure out a way to treat them the same, and keep them together or you will have a lot to answer to. Good luck explaining to your precious Thor how poorly you thought of his brother.

You can start by calling him by his proper name here, and stop calling him, "K," if you can call Thor, "Thor," you can bloody well afford the same dignity to his brother.

Get it together graceiha.



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post #33 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 03:43 PM
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I'll be the asshole that is willing to say that I don't want to raise anymore children. Obviously, if my dd had a kid and was unwilling or unable to care for him or her, I would take care of the child if I was able. But I'd be hard pressed to take on another child who wasn't related to me. I'd certainly provide foster care, as Grace is. But keeping him indefinitely would be more than I could handle, even if he were my grandson's brother.
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post #34 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 03:46 PM
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Then you shouldn't have either of the brothers, there is something wrong with you.



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post #35 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 03:50 PM
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"Taking care of your grandchild" means keeping him with his brother. You know, people talk such a great game on this board about valuing children, wanting to help them, etc, but then a situation like this arises and it's "Oh well I'll take the one I'm related to, but his 4 year old brother ain't no kin to me, he's on his own!" Yeah, no. He's not going to forget that he had a brother. WTF are you going to tell him when he asks? Sorry, it was too hard? Maybe you can try to track him down someday?

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post #36 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 03:53 PM
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Quote:
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"Taking care of your grandchild" means keeping him with his brother. You know, people talk such a great game on this board about valuing children, wanting to help them, etc, but then a situation like this arises and it's "Oh well I'll take the one I'm related to, but his 4 year old brother ain't no kin to me, he's on his own!" Yeah, no. He's not going to forget that he had a brother. WTF are you going to tell him when he asks? Sorry, it was too hard? Maybe you can try to track him down someday?
Click here to enlarge I am disgusted.



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post #37 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 03:54 PM
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That is his brother Click here to enlarge. You take both or neither. This is like the grandparents who only treat their blood grand kids as family.

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post #38 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 03:58 PM
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And let's be honest, you have been angling to get your hands on that baby since the first inkling that your son might possibly have contributed sperm to the enterprise. Well congratulations, Grandma, only this is not a litter of puppies and you don't just get to pick the cute one.

CAM

There are two Americas - separate, unequal, and no longer even acknowledging each other except on the barest cultural terms. In the one nation, new millionaires are minted every day. In the other, human beings no longer necessary to our economy, to our society, are being devalued and destroyed. -- David Simon

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post #39 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 04:43 PM
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I hope you can reconsider this attitude. This kid has had absolutely zero stability. You can't just pick the brother because of biology. That is fucked up.

Click here to enlarge

Oh my gosh, yes. I didn't read every post before commenting. Please grace...Thor's brother is bound to be harder for you to handle than Thor is, if for no other reason then you feeling no prior attachment to him. But they need to stay together. You have to keep them together.

"Hands that help are far better than lips that pray."

--Robert G. Ingersoll (1833-1899)
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post #40 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-23-2014, 04:51 PM
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I completely understand how overwhelming it must be in your shoes but I also agree with the others. The best case scenario is for a loving adoptive home for both brothers, whether with you or with another family. You can always remain his grandmother no matter what happens.


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