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More Support Than Your 18-Hour Bra Stunned friends? Illness in the family? DH grating on your last nerve? Whatever has you overwhelmed, come on in for more support than an 18-hour bra can give you!

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post #61 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 06:54 AM
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Then maybe they should. But right now it's a weekend and Grace is doing what she can.
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post #62 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 07:11 AM
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I see the aftermath of this kind of childhood on the ones that nobody wanted. It's not pretty. I can't see writing off a four (!) year old just because he has the predictable behaviors associated with basically being raised by wolves for four years.

Gracie has absolutely been trying to get her hands on this baby ever since she started pushing her son (who never seemed very interested) to have a DNA test to find out if the baby was his. Well, now the situation is what it is, and since she had a hand in creating it, she needs to act ethically and not just take the one she wants like he's a cute kitten or something.

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post #63 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 07:24 AM
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Then they should both go to someone who can deal financially and emotionally. They are brothers. Dylan and Riley weren't raised together either, not until Riley was nearly 2. I can tell you without hesitation that the relationship between those two brothers is the most important connection in both their lives. It's about what's best for those two brothers, and imo that is a stable, financially secure home where their relationship can flourish and they both get what they so badly need.

I know someone who let her grandson go up for open adoption, knowing she was unequipped emotionally to raise him. She is very much involved in her grandson's life, and he has a wonderful, loving home parents who are financially and psychologically more than able to provide. This is no time to be selfish or sentimental.

Amen.

and I will add, because I am a terrible human being, fuck Grace, and her needs, desires and abilities. This is about those two brothers.



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post #64 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 07:36 AM
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I'm concerned because grace has posted in this forum about her mental health instability, her marriage instability, her employment instability and what I see as a serious animal hoarding problem. I'm afraid that this situation is, at the moment, another distraction from dealing with the pressing problems she already has in front of her.

I agree that now is the time for her to be realistic and set her own wishes aside. I'm just afraid that she's not equipped to do that.

"Hands that help are far better than lips that pray."

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post #65 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 07:40 AM
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I'm not sure though you people would think is equipped to step in and take care of either of these children. Apparently you all must think there is some glut of wonderful caring people who could raise these children.

Unfortunately, in the real world, children are off often stuck with people like Grace do love them and want the best for them, but may not appear to cyber moms to be paragons.
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post #66 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 09:32 AM
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This child would be best served by a therapeutic foster home not being cared .
I agree with this 100%. It's obvious (from what we've been told) that this child suffers from severe emotion distress.

I can't imagine that being separated from his brother will improve THAT situation. Click here to enlarge Click here to enlarge
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post #67 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 10:00 AM
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they don't need to be paragons. Click here to enlarge hyperbole much? do you know any parents who are paragons? would that be you??

I'm saying people who are financially and psychologically/emotionally equipped to raise these two brothers. Grace is neither. As an aside, I think a support forum is exactly the right place to talk about the realities of this situation.

Would you prefer people to just dummy up and murmur praise and platitudes? That's just bullshit.

There are loving and caring people out there who would be willing and able in every way care for these brothers. That doesn't mean they are "paragons" ffs. and i don't know what weird alignment thing is happening to my post. Click here to enlarge

Like Annie it's a hard nock life...

"Let it be far from my feeble mental capacities to extrapolate on my myriad examples that in my field of business led me to my conclusion that it would be better safe than sorry."
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post #68 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 10:01 AM
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huh, it looks fine now.

Like Annie it's a hard nock life...

"Let it be far from my feeble mental capacities to extrapolate on my myriad examples that in my field of business led me to my conclusion that it would be better safe than sorry."
Soapy - because she is smert.


Fuck you, Narnia!

http://www.sybermoms.com/forums/showthread.php?t=252503
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post #69 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 10:28 AM
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I can't imagine anyone here has rose colored glasses on when talking about CPS and the foster system, but you are the one who said this:




Quote:
Originally Posted by ImaC View Post
This child would be best served by a therapeutic foster home not being cared for by an already strapped and spent family just because he happens to have DNA in common with her grandson.


And I agree with you.

"Hands that help are far better than lips that pray."

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post #70 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 10:29 AM
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Grace, I would encourage you to take it one day at a time with the older brother. Don't keep him out of guilt, but don't send him away out of fear, either -- you've already seen that gentleness and regular meals make a significant difference in his behavior.

Do you have friends locally who can help you find the resources near you? You may have options including financial support from the state to help you with the kids (foster parents are paid; I'm not sure about family placements, but especially if you're near the financial edge anyway there may be some help for you), respite care, and support for dealing with the older kid's needs.

If you had set out to become a foster parent, there would have been training and support and you wouldn't be dumped in at the deep end. Also, you would be asked in advance about the situations you thought you could handle (or not), they don't hand off violent non-verbal children to people who say up front, "I can't cope with this." (In fact, a lot of kids with severe behavioral problems would go for some inpatient treatment where they would get diagnosed and given medication and that would not happen while they were in a home.)

Anyway, it sounds like your concerns about Thor's mom were pretty thoroughly vindicated. I'm glad he's mostly been with you, and I'm sorry your son is a shitty father. It happens -- you're certainly not the first SM to raise a grandchild, and I'm sure you will not be the last.

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.
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post #71 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 10:36 AM
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It's also really heartwarming to see the outpouring of concern here for the older boy. Click here to enlarge

I hope some of you, as your kids grow, look into becoming foster parents. Because people willing to take siblings are always in demand. Your county probably provides free training (my RL friend John is training to become a foster father right now), you get support, it's not usually a "dump you in at the deep end" scenario like Grace is in right now. ("Another Place at the Table" by Kathy Harrison is a really excellent memoir by a woman who does foster care, if you're thinking about it at all. Also the blog http://parentingthatheals.org/ -- Grace, you should check out that blog, by the way, and I think if you e-mailed the writer directly and explained your situation she might be able to point you toward some resources and support.)

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; where there is injury, pardon; where there is doubt, faith; where there is despair, hope; where there is darkness, light; and where there is sadness, joy.
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post #72 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 11:35 AM
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Dubby Click here to enlarge


As for grace being "financially strapped" you do realize she is getting or will get money from The Man for having these kids in her care, right?


I remember reading all the posts about this baby when Grace wasn't sure is he was her son's kid or not. I agree Grace has wanted in on the action since then. Too bad the kid comes with baggage in the form of another sibling, eh?


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post #73 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 11:37 AM
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And it sounds like the stupid mother will just keep popping out babies with anything that has a dick so Grace had better get ready to expand her living quarters.


“I don’t know why we don’t create some sort of system where we could train [Syrian refugees] to then go back to their own country and then fight for that country. Doesn’t somebody have to stay in the Middle East and make the Middle East a better place to live?”

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post #74 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 12:32 PM
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My perspective as someone who is adopted, with half-siblings who were not adopted with me, I have to say that I don't think it's as much a big deal as some people are making it out to be. You can do what you can do. I was adopted by my mom's sister; my older sister (who I didn't know about until I was 16--but that's a different story) went to her father's parents and my youngest sister who I was around for and spent time with went to her father's parents. I don't feel a big loss because of that at all. I don't have contact with any of my half-siblings (including the 7 on my birth father's side) and I am okay with that. I think if having Thor's brother turns into something overwhelming for Grace and she can't give him what he needs, then he should go to someone who can.
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post #75 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 12:47 PM
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You are disgusting. You and you attack here on someone who is dealing with a very difficult situation while not really equipped to manage it.
Disgusting is not calling CPS months ago. And claiming y'all I had no idea how bad it was just that it wasnt good enough for my thor.

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post #76 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 12:49 PM
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It's also really heartwarming to see the outpouring of concern here for the older boy. Click here to enlarge
Seriously its the twilight zone here. Last go round on this subject opinion was let the boy be abused better not risk gracie being able to care for thor.

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post #77 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 12:52 PM
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And I dont give a rats ass if this is a support forum gracie is a fucking loser and her claims of not knowing HOW bad are bullshit.
she stood by and let things get to this point by turning a blind eye. Shes pathetic not some sainted hero.

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post #78 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 12:57 PM
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No. That person is an overwhelmed ill equipped person who has suddenly inherited the massive responsibility of had two extra human beings.
Suden my ass. Shall I bump the last thread?

Gracie is overwhelmed and ill equipped to deal with basic day to day life so at least we agree on something here.

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post #79 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 12:59 PM
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I think a child's life and well being trumps the support forum force field. I hope we get an update today. I cannot imagine what that poor little boy is going through.

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post #80 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-24-2014, 01:38 PM
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Quote:
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My perspective as someone who is adopted, with half-siblings who were not adopted with me, I have to say that I don't think it's as much a big deal as some people are making it out to be. You can do what you can do. I was adopted by my mom's sister; my older sister (who I didn't know about until I was 16--but that's a different story) went to her father's parents and my youngest sister who I was around for and spent time with went to her father's parents. I don't feel a big loss because of that at all. I don't have contact with any of my half-siblings (including the 7 on my birth father's side) and I am okay with that. I think if having Thor's brother turns into something overwhelming for Grace and she can't give him what he needs, then he should go to someone who can.
I really appreciate your perspective - I don't know many people who have been through what you've been through.

My kids' piano teacher adopted their foster daughter - but not her two sisters (the sisters were never under the piano teacher's care). But the sisters see each other frequently (several times each week). I think there are creative solutions that can allow kids to maintain relationships with siblings and extended family.
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