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post #1 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:05 PM Thread Starter
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Oh man you guys

Loooong story short......I have temporary guardianship of Thor and his brother. They were removed from the home yesterday. Allegations are: neglect, abuse, drug use and sale in the home....the older boy was walking around with a heroin needle....so much more....one meal a day...I had no idea it was like this.

I had to take the older one, K, to the ER for an evaluation, per KY CPS. He will be 4 soon, still in diapers, can't speak sentences, developmentally, emotionally, and physically behind. He smelled so bad, hasn't had a bath in a few weeks. Had one outfit that he owned.

Thor stays with me most of the time. He was evaluated at the CPS office and they seemed satisfied that he was being taken care of, and has given him to me and Tom until further notice. K is with us til Monday. I don't have the resources or experience to take care of such a high needs child...he's violent when he's angry, etc. So far, however, he's been acting pretty good. I bathed him, bought him clothes, and am feeding him regularly.

So, pending the drug test results of his mom and her mom, i have them. And if the results are positive, I keep Thor until Jon gets his lazy ass home and decides to be a father.

So much to write, I'm sure I'm missing something.

Anyone have any suggestions or advice on how to care for a SN child with his symptoms until he is placed elsewhere?
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post #2 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:13 PM
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Not sure what to say but I'm guessing a stable home with people who care will make s huge difference fir him. Hopefully now he can also get the services he needs.

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post #3 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:17 PM
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I think for now you need to treat him like an 18 mo old and keep him in arms reach at all times and just redirect him when needed. You can't teach him much in a few days, so you mostly need to show him affection, attention, and keep him from hurting himself or anybody else.
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post #4 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:17 PM Thread Starter
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He is reacting to the boundaries I've set in place, and is not happy. Apparently he was left to his own devices and took care of himself. His face lit up when he was offered breakfast Click here to enlarge

I agree, he needs an environment that is super structured and therapeutic. He needs help in the worst way. I just feel awful for him. For now, we are just loving on him and letting him know he's safe here.
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post #5 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:18 PM Thread Starter
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YES, LC...he is not out of mine or my husbands sight. Ever.
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post #6 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:20 PM
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I have absolutely no idea what to suggest other than I am so glad you have them. Ask the social workers for all the help you can get.


“I don’t know why we don’t create some sort of system where we could train [Syrian refugees] to then go back to their own country and then fight for that country. Doesn’t somebody have to stay in the Middle East and make the Middle East a better place to live?”

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post #7 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:21 PM
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Those poor babies. Treat the older one like he's a baby, too. It's possible he's got drugs in his system, so be on the lookout for withdrawal type symptoms.

I have no experience whatsoever, but I wouldn't be surprised if being well fed, clean, with appropriate toys, etc, won't make a difference in his anger level.
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post #8 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:22 PM Thread Starter
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I will, Pudin. I do know that if he does get out of control, I will ask them to take him. It's not that I don't care for him...I really do. But, if I feel he's going to hurt himself, others, my pets, whatever, he has to go. So far so good though!
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post #9 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:22 PM
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Honestly, in the few days you'll have him, I don't know that structure or boundaries are going to help him. It seems safe to assume he can't really abide by boundaries at the moment. I'm not an expert, though, so maybe other people can suggest something. Maybe you can wear him out with long walks or outdoor play so he will sleep well and wear off some of his stress. And then keep him busy when he's inside with toys or books or water colors or something.
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post #10 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:23 PM Thread Starter
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That's the thing....his anger level has dramatically dropped! I've seen him at his worst (he bit me in the ER), or I think I have.
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post #11 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:24 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LaughingCow View Post
Honestly, in the few days you'll have him, I don't know that structure or boundaries are going to help him. It seems safe to assume he can't really abide by boundaries at the moment. I'm not an expert, though, so maybe other people can suggest something. Maybe you can wear him out with long walks or outdoor play so he will sleep well and wear off some of his stress. And then keep him busy when he's inside with toys or books or water colors or something.
We took him outside to play today, and he was in heaven.

What's so sad is when I walk towards him to take a toy away or something he's threatening to hit Thor with, he cowers like he's going to get hit Click here to enlarge
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post #12 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:26 PM Thread Starter
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Oh and I know that structure/boundaries while he is here aren't going to necessarily help him in the long run. I just need advice as to what to do while he is here. Should I be more strict? More lax?
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post #13 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:47 PM
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Good advise so far! I can't imagine how overwhelmed you may be feeling, but thank God you're there for them!!

Try asking him what kind of things he likes to do. If appropriate, let him enjoy those things. Try all sorts of "busy" work like play-doh, crayons, leggos etc...and let him pick a pillow you could let him use to sceam into, punch, slap etc...to let him vent in a safe way.

Maybe give him a small amount of resposibility that is "really, really important" and only for "big guys" to do like, I dunnno, folding towels, dusting, or some sort of "manly" chore safe enough for all concerned?

Ask him what he thinks you should do to help him though this rough patch; let him feel has some sort of control, some sort of choices; help him to feel important and needed and wanted, and of course, loved. Even at 4 years of age, a child knows when a grown-up is feeding them a load of BS or just trying to get him out of the way.

Please keep us updated? Sending nothing but positive vibes your way. Click here to enlarge
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post #14 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:50 PM
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I would have reasonable boundaries, but like an 18 month old, you'll have to do things like say "No, we don't hit." etc. Over and over. When he does something nice, give him lots and lots of praise. Give him lots of hugs.

Talk to him. Read to him, if he'll let you. Name object, like you would with a baby.

Redirect when he's doing something he shouldn't do. I would avoid saying No unless it is a safety thing. So, instead of No, don't draw in the book, say "Here, draw on this."
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post #15 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 05:50 PM
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I'd rely on redirection and distraction to correct bad behaviors. As if you assumed he didn't have the capacity to control himself. If an 18 month old picked Jo the dog's toy and wanted to put it in his mouth, you'd grab an acceptable toy and trade him for the dog's toy to get it away from him without a fight. If an 18 month old we're trying to touch the dog's eyeball, you'd pull him away and distract him from the dog by playing ring around the rosies to get him focused on other stuff. That's all I've got bc I haven't had a little kid in. Long dang time.
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post #16 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 06:02 PM
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No do not be strict. He is probably terrified out of his mind.
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post #17 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 06:15 PM Thread Starter
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Wow, what awesome advice. Thanks guys Click here to enlarge
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post #18 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 06:15 PM Thread Starter
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Thanks Ima...I'm totally out of my league here. We are just giving him love and praise as much as possible.
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post #19 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 06:26 PM
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I don't have much to add, but wanted to say I'm so happy that they are both out of that situation. As the mom of a 4 year old, my heart is breaking; I can't imagine leaving him to fend for himself. I'm am so glad that K will be getting the help, structure, and love he needs and that you have Thor with you!!
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post #20 of 107 (permalink) Old 02-22-2014, 07:04 PM
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I think just offering him food, affection and cuddles is all you can really do right now. Those poor little guys. I'm glad you're there for them.

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