School counselor is going to call CPS on STBXdh - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-04-2003, 11:33 PM
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School counselor is going to call CPS on STBXdh

This is going to be more a vent than anything but if anyone wants to offer insight please feel free!

My 12 yo DSS has told his mother and me that when he goes to his dad's on the weekends, dad is getting drunk and talking about stuff you shouldn't be talking too with a 12 yo.

Dh has introduced him to 3 different women he's been with since him and I split.

He has told him all the sordid details of his breakup with DSS's mother, which involved adultery and basically talking badly about his mother to him.

He has made him care for his younger siblings while dh gets drunk with his buddies, i.e. getting a bottle, changing his diaper, comforting 2 yo brother when he wakes in the middle of the night. If DSS came out of the room he would yell at him to go back to bed, and would taunt him with "oh I better be nice or he's going to tell his mommy on me!"

DSS told him today that he will no longer be coming over on the weekends and dh got very angry and told him not to let his mother fill his head with lies. DSS told him that it's not her, its him telling the lies and he doesn't want to see him until he stops drinking. (He has had 3 DWI's in the last 10 years, he is on probation for 3 years and just finished his jail time, and yet he still drinks...)

DSS has had a bed wetting issue since he was very young, and dh teases him about having to wear goodnights to bed. This is a VERY sensitive subject to DSS as it is a physical problem that he has no control over.

Oh I could go on all night! I am so angry at this man right now, he has totally messed up so many peoples lives, I just can't let him do it anymore, and I know that it will continue to our younger children if something doesn't give soon. I can't believe he doesn't realize what he is about to lose. He has gone through 2 wives and he still JUST DOES NOT GET IT!

Should I call his probation officer? I have never witnessed him drunk but I believe DSS. He will definately be in violation of his probation if I do. Should I let CPS handle it? I know for a fact his X is going to talk to the counselor that DSS has been confiding in and they are going to call CPS, and I agree that they should. This poor boy is so well behaved, and through all this has brought his grades up at school. He just doesn't deserve this crap! Nor do my children deserve it.

Our DD is devastated when he tells her she will visit him and he backs out constantly. The last two days he told her she was coming to stay the night and has cancelled both days. She said today that he told her she could come tomorrow morning for a few hours and she asked me tonight if he was going to change his mind? She is 4 and knows he is putting her off! I don't really want her to go with all the other crap that is happening. I am in a tailspin right now. Wugh.

Well, I know this doesn't all make sense but as I said, I am venting....time to sleep if I can. My brain and heart just hurt too much right now.

I just hate him so much for what he has done to all of us.
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-05-2003, 12:04 AM
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Are these younger siblings your children? No matter who's they are, it doesn't sound like a good idea for them to have visitation with him if he's drunk.

I don't have any advice, but if they are your kids your stepson has to care for while their dad is drunk, I would recommend doing whatever it took to keep him from getting visitation.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-05-2003, 07:31 AM
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It definitely soinds like the kids don't need to be around this man. I'd do what you have to in order to keep him away from them.
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-05-2003, 07:18 PM
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I'm sorry the children have had to go through this. He sucks.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-06-2003, 11:49 AM
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That just sucks. Good for your DSS for standing up to his POS Dad. I agree, keep your kids away, I don't think you will have any problem doing that once a file has been opened with CPS. I would keep up a good relationship with DSS just in case he forgets that dad is the problem, not him. Poor guy Click here to enlarge

As for stbx not showing up for visits with your kids. I wouldn't let him talk to the kids about plans and visits. Have him make plans with you, and keep the plans to yourself ad let it be a surprise if he does actually show up. It sucks to have to take that much control in their relationship but it is likely the only way you can prevent your kids from being so hurt by him. It sucks that he will be a hero the odd time he does show up, but IMO you do whatever you can to keep your kids from hurting. They will get the message that he is a POS from the lack of visits alone, they don't need to know how many times he cancelled too.
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-06-2003, 04:53 PM
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I read your post and my heart was just aching for those kids! No advice really except maybe I might call the probation officer. At least it's a place to start.
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