Frankly the whole clean house thing was a major problem for us, because we both work full time and neither of us has the time, but apparently it's up to me to do it all.

So I hired a cleaning lady. He wasn't thrilled about it but he also wasn't doing anything else to help the situation, so he knows better than to say anything.

Have you tried crying in front of them?

Doesn't work.

I like to mix things by alternating my responses.

Sometimes I ask kindly.

Sometimes I holler.

Sometimes I weep in a pile of my own tears and spilled juice on the kitchen floor. (tuesday)

Sometimes I stomp around in a rage.

Sometimes I go on strike.

Sometimes I throw a big toddler tantrum.

They never know exactly what's coming.

it works temporarily for me

My professional opinion is that it really isn't about the chores, it is about f eeling disrespected. I can relate to that, our issues here are not exactly that same, but it doesn't really matter what they are, the point is that I feel disrespected, and dh isn't doing anything about it.

My dh doesn't understand what I mean by disrespect, to him, it is innocent forgetfulness we weren't arguing about it yesterday, but one of the things he does that I keep asking him not to do came up, so I said something, I said, "see, that is disrespect." He goes, "I don't do it on purpose," so I said, well what is it, a tic?"

I guess it is true that you can really only change yourself, so how about deciding to not accept disrespect anymore? I might try that today as well, it's a a work in progress.

Sometimes dh will use the defense, "But I didn't mean to" when I'm upset. My response is that if he walked around purposefully doing and saying things to hurt my feelings or upset me then we'd have bigger fish to fry.

I get this. It doesn't have to be a big thing either. Dh comes in the side door to the mudroom and shuts the door. He then takes off his shoes or boots and sets them against the wall. Not on the rug or shoe rack but against the wall. BEHIND THE FUCKING DOOR! so every time you open the door, you HIT THE FUCKING SHOES and the door doesn't open fully. We built this house in 2005 and he has been doing it ever since. I have been known to throw the shoes elsewhere (even outside ) I think it is disrespectful. He thinks it is no big deal.

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My dh came up with a great plan to deal with the stuff that people leave out all over the house and don't pick up. We have a box in the garage with a change jar beside it that keeps track of how much money is in it. If you have to pick up other people's crap, it goes in the box and costs 25 cents to retrieve. Sometimes my son visits the box daily for his shoes or backpack. I get furious when dh puts my purse in there. (but I pay my quarter) Once every month or so on allowance day, we have a "day of reckoning" at which time you either purchase your items in the box or they get pitched. The bedrooms are often a disaster, but the main areas of the house are much more picked up than before. Plus you get the bonus of vengeance when you put something of someone else's in the box! We have over $100 in our jar now.

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