Parenting is hard.
So so so hard.
So, dd is 13. She came out as transgender last night.
I feel like a shit because I really want to support her in this. No, I do support her in this.
But, on the other hand, I kind of don't buy it. I don't think that she doesn't feel this way, but I honestly don't think that it's something that is going to stick, and I feel that coming out in school, in our teeny tiny town of less than 4000 people, is going to be something that she's going to regret down the road. I'm reading up, and these parents have known that something was different forever. She is not super girly, but she is way more girly than masculine. She likes things that girls like. This has completely come out of left field for us. She was an extremely girly little girl, despite the fact that I've never been girly and didn't push it on her at all. She identifies as pansexual and likes boys. She is also a major hypochondriac.
I feel like I'm yeah butting, and maybe I am yeah butting some. And we totally dropped the ball, because there were signs of depression that we talked about as a family, but we put off as home sickness or hormones or whatever that seemed to pass, that we didn't get help for. And that is totally on me. And lord knows there is family history there.
I feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't, and am really really lost.
She has been talking to a counselor at school. We are making an appointment to see her next week, with dd's blessing. I am also going to contact the mental health clinic to have more personal counselling for her and family counselling as well. But I have to do that in such a way that it isn't trying to fix her. Because it isn't. But, holy shit, a 45% suicide attempt rate is fucking terrifying.