I'm confused about dh - Page 2 - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
More Support Than Your 18-Hour Bra Stunned friends? Illness in the family? DH grating on your last nerve? Whatever has you overwhelmed, come on in for more support than an 18-hour bra can give you!

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post #21 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-08-2003, 04:35 AM
nymama
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I understand what you are saying...if safety was an issue why not just tie the blinds up yourself and then remind him in the morning that you had to do it again last night. Write a list of things that annoy you that he has done and do the same thing to him and then sit down and talk about it with open minds
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post #22 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-08-2003, 08:15 AM
Babyface
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I'm going to get a cord tie thingy from BRU. Thanks for the suggestion. dh came home late last night and I was upset because he never calls me to tell me when he will be home. He was supposed to bring home a pizza (ds loves pizza and wednesdays are family pizza night). Since he usually picks it up on the way home, I called and asked when he will be getting done with work (He just started a new job a few weeks ago and has very unpredictable hours). ds was getting very hungry/tired/fussy. I didn't know whether to wait for the pizza or whip something up for ds. I called him 3 times and got no answer on his cell. When he called me back, he told me he had just picked up the pizza and would be home in a minute. We ate, ds went to bed, dh drank 3 beers (which he picked up while getting pizza) and was getting ready to go to sleep. dh doesn't really drink much at all. He told me that he bought the beer so he could fall asleep so he doesn't have to argue with me. We made up, and I told him that he can't drown in his sorrows. If he has issues, he needs to speak about them. If he drinks his problems away, it is going to end up hurting us more. I asked him this morning if he would please not drink just so he could avoid me, and he agreed. He also told me that the day he left the note for me on the door, he was actually going to leave and stay at his office...indefinately. The only reason he came home was because he heard my hysterical message and felt bad for me. He assured me last night that he was in it for the long haul and he loved me. I think it is some sort of mid-life crisis. He said that he has a lot of issues in his head to work out.

I swear to God I did not know there was anything wrong with our relationship until Sunday afternoon. It just seems to be getting worse and worse.

Well, I did call the church this morning where we were married and left a message to see if they had any kind of counseling service or if the could refer me to somewhere else. It is so obvious that we need intervention. I can't live like this much longer. Thanks to everyone for the support. Please keep us in your thoughts.
post #23 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-08-2003, 08:17 AM
Babyface
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I'm going to post this on a new update thread.
post #24 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-08-2003, 08:35 AM
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I'd be resentful too if I had to sleep in a recliner. I wouldn't be resentful of the kid though. When are you guys planning on buying a mattress?
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post #25 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-08-2003, 08:40 AM
Babyface
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I'd be resentful too if I had to sleep in a recliner. I wouldn't be resentful of the kid though.
Are you suggesting that he should be resentful towards me for sleeping on the recliner? It was his choosing, not mine.

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When are you guys planning on buying a mattress?
When he gets paid.

My marriage is falling apart. Thanks for the support.
post #26 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-08-2003, 06:54 PM
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What Trystme might have been trying to imply but did a shitty job of it is that maybe he is such a butt head b/c he is exhausted?

Years ago SO worked overnights at Wally World. Ds was really young and we had just started living together. It was almost the end of our relationship. He was EVIL. I could not believe how big of a dick he had become.

One night he got fired for being late, usually b/c he overslept from being so exhausted. Within a week of being jobless he got caught up on sleep and was an entirely different person.

I dont care HOW broke we are, he will never ever work overnights again.

Maybe sleep is part of the issue. I really am still shocked to this day to think that the sole reason we had SO many problems in our relationship was b/c SO was so tired.

Maybe you should give him the couch and make the new bed a big time priority. It could help at least. If hes sleeping shitty but trying to be nice by giving you the couch it could have something to do with his attitude.

Good luck!
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post #27 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 08:47 AM
Babyface
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Sleep problem will be solved tonight, hopefully. dh went out to get a futon mattress to put on ds's floor. A friend of mine uses a futon mattress for her 18 month old dd and she sleeps fine in it. I think we absolutely need our bed/room back. ds has taken over, and he has a safe and colorful room of his own.

dh picked me a beautiful pink rose yesterday! Click here to enlarge Click here to enlarge
I am so excited about it, even if he did pick it from Wawa's garden from the side of the building. Click here to enlarge It's the thought that counts. Click here to enlarge

We have an appt on Wednesday with the priest that married us 7 1/2 years ago. He will be counseling us until dh gets his insurance (in about 30 days or less). Then we will seek professional help. dh is very willing to get counseling and work it out. :calvin
post #28 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 08:53 AM
Diz
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I haven't read the whole thread.

I agree with you two needing your own space together.

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post #29 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 08:57 AM
Babyface
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Also want to add that he just went out to get me something for Mother's Day, and he is planning a special day for me tomorrow! Click here to enlarge
post #30 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 09:35 AM
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:calvin

I'm so glad to hear the improvement, Babyface! Especially that he's so willing to get outside help Click here to enlarge

Good luck Click here to enlarge

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post #31 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 09:38 AM
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I'm sorry Babyface. I really didn't mean that the way that it came off. What I meant was like what tbarnes was saying. If I had to sleep in a recliner, I'd be really bitchy and I'd want a mattress asap. I'd be resentful that I had to sleep in the recliner.

Also your dh could be upset and miss the intimacy of you two sleeping together. I'm glad that you agree that you guys need your own space. I'm also glad that he is willing to work on this and that you guys are able to get councelling.

My dh is a little upset lately because we no longer sleep together. We never really did sleep together that often before the baby was born but now that the baby is here we do not sleep together at all. I sleep with the baby and he sleeps alone. I've tried going in after she's asleep but he snores so loudly that I cannot go to sleep and it drives me nuts. I told him that if he wanted me to sleep with him then he'd have to go to the doctor and try to fix his snoring problem. He thinks that I ought to just be able to get used to it, but I cannot just get used to it.
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post #32 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 09:50 AM
Babyface
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trystme, no problem. I hope your dh gets help with his snoring. You know, we were doing okay with the new sleeping arrangements until last night, when I found dh sleeping on the sofa because I was snoring too loudly. I guess he didn't want to wake me up. I would've rather he did wake me though, just so he could sleep in our room. I have always snored, but he didn't have a problem with it then. Click here to enlarge We'll see what happens tonight. ds is sleeping *ok* in his new bed. It is different every night the first night, he slept 7 hours straight, the next couple of nights, he was up what seemed every couple of hours, and last night, I think he only woke twice. He is getting used to a new bed in a new room, so I am taking this slowly with him.
post #33 of 33 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 09:58 AM
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Well, I guess that your dh doesn't want to sleep with you afterall. Click here to enlarge I really don't see what the big deal is but my dh seems to think that it is a bit of a deal. I always think of that Seinfield episode where Jerry said something like "I don't know how sleep got mixed up with sex in the first place." I just don't think that it is important for us to sleep together. The fact that I slept by myself for 30 years doesn't help.

You are doing better than we are, we bought dd who is just over 2 years old a big bed and she has yet to sleep in it.
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