Just looking for any advice or support I can find. Long story. I'm married with 13 and 14 year old boys still at home. My 14 year old has been diagnosed with mood disorder NOS and intermittent explosive disorder. My 13 year is intellectually disabled. We don't spank. We do take things away and ground them. My 14 year has to be restrained occasionally to prevent him from hurting himself or people around him. He's bigger than me and physically stronger so I haven't been able to do this for a long time now. I've had my nose
, been choked, kicked in the ribs, had my arm slammed in a door, etc.
3 weeks ago the psychiatrist took my son off of his main medication cold turkey, Abilify, because it was making him sick on a daily basis. Things went downhill really fast. We were having problems with him already because he was hanging with a really bad group of kids. He'd get cigarettes at school, put a fan in his bedroom window, smoke and literally put them out on the windowsills. We can't have any kind of alcohol in the house because he will take it. I had to install a key lock on my bedroom door and lock up all the medications in the house because he'd sell them. We limited who he was allowed to hang out with, where and what he was allowed to do, etc.
He spent 10 days inpatient last year after he broke my nose and choked me, put numerous holes in the walls. Then he spent an entire summer in a partial hospitalization program. And we've had a mobile therapist coming into our house since then.
My husband doesn't stick with the rules and consequences we set with his therapist. For instance, we agreed with him and his therapist that he has to clean up his room and load/unload the dishwasher to get minutes on his cellphone. He didn't do either, at all, for an entire month so he didn't get minutes. My husband handed over his iPhone to him instead. He kicked me in the ribs one day in front of a big group of people. We grounded him. My husband let him go out with friends the next. After each scenario he always says it won't happen again and he will stick to it.
So things went downhill after the Abilify was stopped cold turkey. My son got caught drinking so he was grounded. He got mad and flipped. Was punching walls and hurt his hand, screaming that he was going to kill himself and all of us. I wasn't home at the time. He calmed down and begged his dad to not tell the hospital or me what really happened because being off his meds he knew a hospital stay would be pushed. He needed an xray. They told the hospital and me he fell down the steps. I knew as soon as I saw his hand he punched something. It was obvious.
The next day my husband gave him permission to go somewhere else after school (again lied to me about where). When my husband told him he was coming to pick him up and he decided he didn't want to come home he just took off. Started sending us text messages that he wasn't coming home unless we agreed to unground him and let him hang out with who he wants. He didn't get his way so he went on Facebook and started screaming that he's an abused child. His stupid friends were encouraging him to keep running. He was posting that he'd rather go to juvenile detention than go home or a hospital. All of his friends have been there.
He was gone for 3 days before we found him and had the police pick him up. He admitted to children and youth services that he hurt his own hand punching things and that he has behavioral issues. He was refusing the hospital so I asked a family member to take him for the weekend until I could get him admitted against his wishes. He's been in a hospital almost 2 hours away since Monday and started on new meds. But he's still acting up.
I have done everything I can. I've been the one to take him to appointments, sit through therapy sessions every week, deal with school, I even took off over a month of work to help him. My other son with special needs is very good natured, does well at school, etc but I had to allow him to be put on medication last year because his brothers issues were causing him so much anxiety.
I think my husband has finally learned a lesson but I feel like its too little too late. I'm ready to take my younger son and move out for awhile. I've even rented an apartment, but I feel like I'm letting everyone down if I actually move into it.
I don't know anyone who has gone through anything even close to this. All of our friends who have witnessed all of this are telling me to get myself and my younger son out of this for awhile and let my husband have to deal with it.