We are hanging in there over here.

My mom is in her second round of chemo and I lost count on the radiation. My brother is staying with her and driving her when step-dad has to work so I am glad for that. My brother gave me the actual reality of the situation and the prognosis which from my research I knew, but hearing an actual number was still a bit of a hit. The treatment (which they have extended) only has a 34% chance of working and they are hitting her with everything they have. I admit, I'm mostly not thinking about it which is made slightly easier by the fact that I have been sick and before that, one of the kids was sick so we haven't been visiting.

The job - well. Our remaining customer is on shaky ground so it's not only been amazingly slow but also nerve wracking. I actually applied to dh's company (a different branch) and I took the pre-employment drug test yesterday. I'm going to be working there 3 days a week and dropping my current job back to 2 days a week. I'm losing 1.50 an hour and it's a much much longer commute BUT I have watched over the last 6 years dh has been there and while everyone starts part time, full time comes in 3-6 months. That will end up being $10k more a year when that happens, more vacation, paid sick time and most importantly, room for advancement. Even when my current company was doing really really well, there was nothing above me I could be promoted to and he refused to give me a raise. More responsibilities, yes. More money? Nope. So this is a strategic move on my part that I am really hoping pays off.

How is everyone else?


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I'm sorry about your mom. Good luck on the job.

I'm fine, thanks for asking.

I'm sorry about your mom, I'd probably keep my head in the sand, too. I think you're smart to switch jobs. I bet the security of switching companies will make the pay reduction worth it.

We're actually pretty good, for a change. I knocked on wood as I typed that. Literally.

Emma has been really stable since finishing rehab. I think for the first time she actually got something out of therapy. Her meds seem to be working well, and she's on fewer. Also, she started a job in May, and she is doing awesome at it. I was so worried that work would be like school for her, that she'd try to avoid it and it would be too much for her. Instead, she has really taken to it. She offers to work extra shifts, and she has money saved. She went through a pretty brutal breakup with her long term boyfriend, and she handled it admirably well. She just started driver's ed. As of right now, she is hoping to go back to regular school the second half of next year.

Meredith is taking voice lessons and hanging out with her friends and boyfriend. We are going to have her eating/stomach iused evaluated. She never wants to eat because her stomach always hurts. I don't know if it's anxiety, or anorexia, or something physical.

Caroline and Harry are sweet and wonderful. Harry read a Bob book today! I wanted to weep.

Bill finally got a new job that actually pays decently. Thank god! It will take him a few months to work back up to the commission level he was at before, but it will be so nice to be able to pay rent AND bills AND eat. And hey, an added bonus is that I may get to have a Christmas party with the Detroit SM's!

For the first time in a long while it doesn't feel like the sky is falling!

Jen, I am legitimately so happy to read that. You guys have been through so much shit that I am thrilled that things are looking up


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Thanks so much. I have felt cursed for awhile. It is kind of disarming to have some things going well.

Jen, I'm so relieved that you're getting a chance to catch your breath. . I've been afraid to bug you again on fb...I didn't want you to feel put on the spot or whatever, so I'm glad you checked in here.

Coral, I'm so sorry about your mom. How much more chemo will she have before they run tests to see if it's doing the job?

I've been wanting to post in here about my friend who's son was killed but I've been avoiding it. It's a long, drawn out awful story and I don't want it to seem like I'm co-opting (sp?) their tragedy by spilling my guts. It's just so horrible and there's nothing I can do but be there for her and sit next to her on the emotional roller coaster. It's taking it's toll though.

Jen it's so nice to read that!

Wren, post away. I know some SMs know what I'm talking about when I mention circles and dumping out. I read it on FB I think. We are your out.


In the most bizarre curve ball in the world, the president of the company - same guy refusing to hand out raises - tried to talk me into staying when he was informed of my intent to drop to part time. He asked me my long term goals and I mentioned that I needed growth opportunities, that I was in school for my masters and that I was looking at purchasing or safety administration. Dude seriously offered me the chance to do purchasing for his material plants (I work in his only molding plant. There are 5 others in the area that deal with plastic material/recycling) or as a safety consultant for all of his plants. According to my boss, they sat when I left and figured out numbers so theoretically I could negotiate a raise. I don't think I want to do that. I think that if I lock myself in, I will lose out. However, if I hate this new job, I think I still have some workable options.

I have been joking for the last week that when the president got the news of this, I would end up being fired or something. He isn't the most agreeable person sometimes so this was a seriously unexpected


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Wren - this is what I was talking about - http://articles.latimes.com/2013/apr...heory-20130407

I don't think you are coopting.


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I forgot about that article. . Thanks.

I just feel like it is literally the least I can do to message with her. She won't call me and doesn't want me to visit, or to come visit me. I *completely* understand why; the level of interaction she's having to deal with home in her small town is so intense and taxing. I'm the one person she has complete control over when, how and what she communicates with me. It's very low pressure; I'm always here but I'm not crying or peppering her with questions. I'm not grieving for her child because I didn't know him (other than as an infant) so she's not busy consoling me while she's dying inside....there's no pressure to it and it's all about her controlling the level of engagement. It's working out really well and I really do believe I'm helping her through difficult days in a unique way.

But it's so hard. She's been my best friend since we were 18, even though we haven't seen each other in years. We were roommates all through college and essentially grew up together. She's part of my DNA. It's extremely hard to just wait and not be able to fix anything for her. If I were there I'm sure I would be a bull in a china shop cusing out her bitch of a MIL and stuff, but at least I'd be *doing* something. But she just needs me to absorb her pain at the end of each day so that's what I'm doing. There's really and truly nothing else for the level of pain that she's in but it's so hard to do. I worry about her all the time. All the time. I'm in tears about it to some degree all day long. And feeling like I may not be able to check in on her on rough days makes me feel horribly guilty because it is literally the least I can do.

I'm sorry wren. It has to be really difficult to be the person on the outside of something like this looking in.


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I'm so glad to hear that Jen. I'm so sorry about you Mom Coral, and when your friend is ready she will ask. You sound like a wonderful friend.

Sheesh, I meant to write wren. Blah.

Coral and wren, i'm sorry.
Jen, I hope this is just a continuation of good things to happen.

Me... I've been feeling very...angry lately. Not quite full on anger, but I am easily annoyed, but it's more than annoyance. I have been feeling very ornery and grumpy too.
I always used to say the state of my house reflects my mood. Silly but it's true. My house is a fucking mess, and I just don't feel like putting in the energy to put things away. Don't get me wrong, my house is very clean, it's just cluttered...lots of papers and clothes to put away but I don't give a shit. You could eat off the floor, but you might have to clear away space first
I've been...'sad' ltely? that's not quite the right word. Coupled with the fact that I am not feeling all that great about myself lately; i'm kind of stuck in an 'ugly phase'.
Sigh.

Wren I'm so sorry. Feeling helpless when someone you love is suffering is just awful. I completely know how you're feeling bc I feel the same way with my sister. Your friend knows you'll be there when she needs you

Jen, I'm so glad things are looking up for you!

Coral, I'm sorry about your mom.