just caught DS with beer in his club house - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 06:06 PM Thread Starter
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just caught DS with beer in his club house

My DS (13) is having a friend stay the night. (his friends parents are out of town). They are sleeping in the club house under the porch. I went out and saw a bottle of sprite...with a head on it. Took a sniff and yep its beer. When i started asking he handed it over and admitted it was a stupid thing to do. I did a breath "wiff" and they don't smell like they have drank any. I also shook them down and checked all their bags and pockets.
What do I do!
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 06:12 PM
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My boys are 3 & 4 so I'm only guessing what I'd do.

I think I'd ask them to move their sleepover into the house (so that you can keep a closer eye on them). I'd also tell the other boy's parents about it tomorrow (or whenever they get home). I know that I would want to know if it were my son.



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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 06:15 PM
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Argh! Hit reply too soon.

Do you know where they got the beer? Obviously you'll need to talk to your son about drinking (even if you have already). I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it but would make it clear what is and isn't acceptable in your family.



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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 07:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by DaisyDuke
Argh! Hit reply too soon.

Do you know where they got the beer? Obviously you'll need to talk to your son about drinking (even if you have already). I wouldn't make a huge deal out of it but would make it clear what is and isn't acceptable in your family.
ita,,,aslo find out where they got it you need to confront the store that sold it to a 13 yr old boy as well. Yu might also want to speak to the other mom as well about what had happened so she can have a talk with her son.
post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 08:07 PM
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I agree with the rest.

Once you find out WHO gave them the beer, I would think about having the cops over, They will not get into trouble but whomever gave them the beer will.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-10-2003, 08:17 PM
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ITA with the ladies above. my kids are 1 & 2 so i have some time until i have to deal with this. but whay they said is pretty much all you can do at this point. move the sleepover inside the house, ask them where they got it ((and then do call the cops afterwards and report it)), tell the boy's parents about it, and have a talk with your son about alcohol. if you ask him why he did it, you're probably going to get the "i wanted to try it" story. and you have to be understanding about it. whatever you do- don't beat him into the ground for it and make him feel bad that he did it. that will make the situation worse.
good luck.
post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-11-2003, 05:34 AM
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Yikes. Nightmare! I would have found out ASAP where they got the alochol. Not sure if I would be calling the police about that - it depends on where they got it. I'd have a talk with the both of them and I agree about bringing the sleepover inside, talking to the other parents and agreeing on a punishment.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-12-2003, 12:33 AM
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When I was 13, my friend and I did something similar only we didn't get caught. At that age it's most likely that one of them nabbed a bottle out of the fridge. My parents usually didn't keep beer in the house, but my friend's dad always had his fridge stocked. He never noticed of we sneaked a bottle or two on occaision. If all they had was a Sprite bottle full, this makes sense. I would definitely speak to the other child's parents. You don't want the kid to think you are one of those "cool" moms that keep their secrets. I wish my parents had been stricter about drinking and such with me.
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-12-2003, 07:20 PM
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The sleepover would be over. I'd call the other kids' parents to come get him, and then we'd all be having a nice chit chat.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-13-2003, 06:53 AM
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Re: just caught DS with beer in his club house

Quote:
Originally posted by bttrcprncss
My DS (13) is having a friend stay the night. (his friends parents are out of town). They are sleeping in the club house under the porch. I went out and saw a bottle of sprite...with a head on it. Took a sniff and yep its beer. When i started asking he handed it over and admitted it was a stupid thing to do. I did a breath "wiff" and they don't smell like they have drank any. I also shook them down and checked all their bags and pockets.
What do I do!
so what happened? what did ya do?
post #11 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-13-2003, 07:39 AM Thread Starter
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sooooo
I checked every bag and pocket......sniffed their breath. They hadn't drank any yet.
I couldn't send the kid home....his parents were out of town and I was temporarily responsible.
I checked on them every hour or so.
I do have to say that DS and I have a pretty open talking relationship about teenage stuff. He says he knew it was a bad idea. And that he knows i'm not like most moms. That i don't lie about being a teenager. he says most kids his age are drinking or smoking and their parents don't think it is possible so they get away with it. (ok so he might be blowing wind up my ass...he's grounded anyway!)
The kid that gave the booze to them is a 19 y/o boy who has developemental delays, lives on SS, and recently got placed in an apartment in town. I talked to DS friends mom and to his credit he told her himself (i wasn't gonna ruin her mother's day so I called on Monday) I'm undecided about calling the cops. maybe I should talk to the kid and his caseworker. should it make a difference if the contributing offender is retarded?
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post #12 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-13-2003, 07:42 AM
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if you could- i would definitely try to get in touch with the case worker first. if you can't get in touch with the case worker- then i would call the cops because they will know how.
either way- this kid needs to be reported.
post #13 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2003, 03:51 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by pjmom
The sleepover would be over. I'd call the other kids' parents to come get him, and then we'd all be having a nice chit chat.
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post #14 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2003, 03:56 PM
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Sorry, I just read your later post and realized you couldn't just call the boy's mom to come get him.

I think you handled things well.

I agree with the advice about calling the older boy's case worker. If he's getting alcohol for younger kids, it needs to be stopped.
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post #15 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-15-2003, 06:36 PM
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Did you end up getting a hold of the caseworker??

My older brother used to give me beer at 13 (and a lot worse than that as I got older). He's 7 years older than me. I remember when I hit 24, the same age he was when I was 17 and he was taking me to clubs in NYC and exposing me to all the stuff that goes along with it. I lost a lot of respect for him at that point. What the heck was he thinking??

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post #16 of 16 (permalink) Old 05-16-2003, 09:25 AM Thread Starter
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damn stupid county workers!
i called the county (special services, hoping they might recognize the kiddo), they gave me another number.....this woman says "oh no, we can't just give you that info (caseworker)" you have to call.....800 blah, blah. well, its the child abuse/neglect hotline!
i have one more shot at circumventing "the system" (he lives in an apartment above a business-i am going to ask there if they have any contact info on him)
arrg!
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