I'm not sure how to handle this - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 05:59 PM Thread Starter
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I'm not sure how to handle this

My brother Randy passed from an alcoholic seizure this past Monday, the same day as his son Mathews birthday. I'm at a loss as how to comfort him and my mother.

It's sad to say, but Randy's life was basically a waste. He spent more time drugged, drunk or in prison that he did sober in his 45 years. he was unable to raise any of his kids and had his parental rights revoked where Matthew is concerned, for child endangerment.

His life is a series of sadness, violence and rejection, eventually leading to his alcoholism and drug addiction. He underwent every rehab that mom could afford, but it was all in vain. Randy's lifelong pain from his abusive father scarred him beyond understanding.

How can I bring words of comfort to his children? To our mother?
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 06:35 PM
Yeah that.
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Oh my Starr. I'm sorry to hear about this.

I think the best thing to do is just to listen.

I'm doing it because she asked but I really do her.
FMT
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 06:39 PM
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I'm sorry for your loss Starr. Can you write a letter to each of them remembering some of the good times with him? It would be great for them to have a positive memory. Maybe some stories of you all growing up?
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 07:03 PM
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Just listen. And be there. I'm very sorry for this loss.

My stepfather died when I was 16 and it was a difficult time. He was an abusive asshole and I was so conflicted about his death,and I was afraid to admit to anyone my feelings. Just listening will be a great help.
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 07:16 PM
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Listen to and talk with your family.

I just replied to your ME thread. I am so so sorry. Click here to enlarge

Click here to enlarge
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 07:21 PM
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I'm sorry for your loss, starr.

You family will be in my thoughts.
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-14-2003, 07:36 PM
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Wow I am really sorry. I'm just saying listening and being there means the world. Make sure you do that for yourself too.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-15-2003, 02:07 AM
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Starr, I am so sorry about your brother. I would just listen to his children, the words will come, don't say anythign negative about their dad even if you are thinking it or they are saying it, Kids tend to be mad that thier parent left them, even if they passed. I hope all goes well for you.
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-15-2003, 05:33 AM
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I agree with everyone else - be there to listen. My mother has lost a number of siblings in the past few years and I've done my fair share of listening as she grieved.

I am so sorry for your loss, Starr. Take care of yourself. Click here to enlarge



Carry me home down The Highway of Heroes.
People above with their flags flying low.
Carry me softly, down The Highway of Heroes.
True Patriot Love,
There was never more.


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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-15-2003, 09:12 AM
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I'm sorry Starr. Click here to enlarge I am afraid that my brother is headed in the same direction. Click here to enlarge It is really sad and one feels so unable to help.
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post #11 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-16-2003, 08:26 PM
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Starr,
I am so sorry! Just be there for your mom and nephew. Also take care of yourself.
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post #12 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-16-2003, 08:34 PM
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That would be so hard. I'm so sorry for your pain.

As far as your nephew is concerned, maybe he will need someone to validate that it's ok to have whatever particular feelings he is having.?

(I am assuming this could be a big range considering the circumstances)
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post #13 of 13 (permalink) Old 05-17-2003, 07:25 AM
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I'm thinking of you today, Starr (Saturday)

Being available to your nephew and Mother is a great comfort
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