PLease help- son may be being abused and has emmotional issues. - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 07-27-2015, 12:20 AM Thread Starter
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PLease help- son may be being abused and has emmotional issues.

My son is visiting, he is 11. He is not under my care, his grandparents (ex in laws) won permanent guardianship when he was three under some shady circumstances. I was in an7 month inpatient program where I could not receive mail, I did not know that they had filed for guardianship, I did not respond because of that, they were awarded during this time. I won't lie- I was a bad mom with an alcohol and drug addiction, that was 7 1/2 yrs ago. I've been clean for 7 1/2 years. IN that time I have moved around the country trying to be near my son, they move away when I get to comfortable. I have jumped through some incredibly manipulative hoops to have him stay with me, I have procured a college education, a steady job, a loving husband and 3 healthy children. I have continued to believe until very recently that I do not deserve him, that I am a failure, that I deserve this. However I am over that. There is NOTHING wrong with me as a person or a provider. So that is a huge step for me. I have had regular contact with him since he was five. It has come to my attention over the passed five years that he may be Autistic, most likely Asperger. He has limited social skills, he cannot read emotions, maintain eye contact and he shows no empathy in situations where it is called for. He is obsessed with Minecraft because he can control his environment (his own words). When the game is shut off, he exhibits highly addictive/ withdrawal symptoms, including unmanageable outbursts, that last for several hours, manipulative ploys and talking everyone in circles to get what he wants, saying hurtful things to redirect the blame. I am not mad, I am concerned. I had this suspicion years ago and told his grandmother that it needed to be addressed for his own success. We took several tests (online because I have no access to professional testing at this point) and he scored about 95% on the Aspie/on the spectrum tests. HE did this at my house, because she refuses to consider it, and calls it ADHD- which it is not, because I have that and it's so different I cant begin to explain it. I cant get him tested, I do not have access to his insurance. It has been so pronounced this summer, that it has really blown up the family dynamics of our regular household. That is problem 1. The second one is just heartbreaking. He confided in me that his grandfather hits him regularly becasue he says he is acting childish. Yes it is true it can appear that way, but I deal with it as if he had been diagnosed and that has helped so much- they however do not accept this theory.He has said he is afraid of his grandfather, that his grandmother argues with him about hitting him, but obviously has not removed him from the situation. I have struggled for 7 1/2 years to get to this point, where he is staying the summers with me. No I don't like them, they are manipulative, avoidant, controlling, use religion as a way to control and scare my son among many things- but this hitting thing seems like it should be the last straw.The truth is - I am scared. I am scared I will lose him, the little bit I have when I confront them. I am afraid for the dynamics to go to hell. I am going to see a councilor about this tomorrow, I need professional advice. They have taken so much from me, in all areas of my life I have redeemed myself- but not in this case, he is still in their custody. I am scared they will have the ability to never let me see him again, I am afraid that if his behaviors aren't addressed he will have a bleak and horrible life - like his dad who is now a double felon, he will be lonely and depressed, maybe drug addict. I am afraid that bringing the possible abuse to light will ruin everything- but I am equally afraid that the abuse is real, that it is damaging him more than everything else combined and if I don't speak up I am accessory to making his life worse. I know it is easy to judge and assume I deserve all of this, but I have been nothing but strait and clean for 7 1/2 years. Years of emotional control and abuse stunted my ability to realize the situation for what it is. I feel like I am waking up, and I am horrified by what is going on. Please help me, I am so overwhelmed.
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 07-28-2015, 06:32 PM
Samantha Louise, 12 years old on 1/14/16
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I am sorry. I wish I coukd say more to help you. Can you call a domestic abuse hotline in your area? They should have expertise in dealing with other guardians of your child.

Good luck with the counselor.

--cited as one of sybermoms' most normal members.
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