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post #1 of (permalink) Old 11-28-2019, 12:19 AM Thread Starter
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Advice Appreciated

This is a complicated one. My husband and I have been together 5 years. He divorced at that time and we married 2 years ago. His ex is diagnosed with borderline and narcissistic personality disorders. There are 4 children, 3 grown and the youngest just turned 18 last month. After a year of court and psychiatry evals, my husband was given full custody of his then 13 yo daughter. Mom no contact except under supervision. We spent over 4 years taking her to therapy and working to give her as normal and supportive environment as possible. We think we failed. So much of she did while living with us was to win mom's favor/love (stealing from us, spying on us), but we also saw signs of her mother's illness in her behavior. My husband is already alienated from 2 of his adult children, and one he talks to, but she wants to remain neutral. The whole story is huge, and for my husband it feels like he's screaming and no one can hear him or see the truth. He's working on letting go. While still married, he had a heart attack and was found to have a genetic heart and he has an ICD (defibrillator).This happened at 43, he is now 58. I'm saying this because he has been on disability since then with a limited income. I went through breast cancer and lost my job when my department closed. Still we were managing okay. His daughter turned 18 on 10/2/19, and 2 days later after he baked a cake and bought her gifts, she came home from school with a friend and told him she was moving out. She's still in high school. She planned this for a year, convinced her friend's parents she was being abused and they let her move in. She came with her friend and the friend's dad 2 days later and put the rest of her stuff in his truck. He just looked at the ground and ignored us. We remained calm. It gets worse. Two weeks later we hear from Social Security that 1/3 of my husband's check will now be sent to his daughter for her "living expenses." We knew we would lose this come next June and were planning how to handle it financially. But this had us worried about losing our house, my husband had to stop one of his heart meds, and we are just sick. I'm angry too. She planned this!! She is getting almost $1000 a month and spending it on vaping, piercing, tatoos. I'm just sick. How do I let go of this? I want to tell these parents the truth! How do they not ask us what is going on?!!

I'm sure I've left out details that might matter. I know this child has been abused but not by us. Any insight or advice is welcome. Would you write these people a letter? I can't even imagine talking to her ever again. BTW, I do have 2 daughters of my own, 20-somethings, went through divorce as teenagers too and it wasn't easy. This is nothing like that.
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