I'm new here - hi to all!

Of course, I'm going to start off by posting a huge book here and asking for help (surprised?) - anyway... somebody please tell me they've been thru this and survived with hair intact!

My daughter, 6, is so stubborn sometimes (I suppose I am supposed to call this "spirited" in the interest of positivity)... No matter what you call it she's driving me nutty.

She has more shoes than the rest of the household combined, but none of them are ever "right" or they suddenly don't fit properly when it's time to leave in the morning. (Yes I've tried removing all but one pair, but it's actually worse - no matter which ones they are, according to her reaction they just might kill her they are so painful)

This morning it literally took 25 minutes for the child to put on her shoes and coat (the coat is another long but similar story). I tried everything. I tried reasoning, I tried sweetness, I tried anger, I tried a "firm and calm voice", I tried taking away priveleges (which I will follow through with but at 6 "no TV tonight" is too far in the future to worry about), I tried appealing to her and telling her that I was going to be very late for work and get in trouble. Nothing.

Short of physically stuffing her into the shoes, I'm forced to wait out the irrationality. It does eventually pass; finally, face full of tears, she put on the first shoes and coat I had given her and we left. I felt absolutely awful dropping her at the sitter's when we were both upset but I was soooo late. This getting out the door problem is becoming very repetitive and I'm just too rushed to deal with it properly.

I've tried starting the whole process earlier, but it just seems to lengthen it (last week it was a 15 minute argument, now it's 25) "Just a phase" is what I keep being told, but I'm afraid she'll phase me right out of a job (which just may be her intention but is not a valid option for me)!

Can anyone help??? give suggestions?? send me soothing drugs?? anything!

p.s. yes, her shoes fit just fine - I swear!!

Even though I don't have kids the same age yet, I do have a 7 year old neice who I'm helping raise in a " it takes a village to raise a child" kind of way. Anyway, my Mom gets her ready for school in the am and she has until a set time to be ready. For every minute she goes past that time, she has to go to bed that many minutes early. She absolutley hates going to bed earlier than her regular time so it's a good motivator. That may help for the dilly-dallying part of the issue.

For the 2nd part, the shoes thing. Have you tried laying out her clothes with the agreement of what shoes will be worn, at the beginning of the week? I'd also get rid of the unnecessary shoes. My opinion is that kids only need a few standard pair of shoes : athletic or tennis shoes, black dressy shoes, brown dressy shoes and 1 pair of boots and sandals for the warm weather.

I like the laying out everything ahead of time idea.

I'm not an officially registered idiot, but I still can't believe I didn't think of that ! We generally pick out her clothes the night before, but I just never thought of pre-picking the shoes!

I definitely do need to get rid of the shoes - dummy me keeps thinking "but what if they really do hurt her feet?" and going shopping for more... (maybe I SHOULD register on that idiot list) Then she of course does not want to give the old ones away because "they'll still fit with nylons or with bare feet"

Hmmm, I'm certainly coming on here with the first appearance of being a total pushover (I'm not always - honest!)

Just seems that she senses when I'm rushed and pushes my buttons.

Hitting the bedtime is a great idea too - she would absolutely hate that so it actually might work.

Any tips on general stubbornness?? Kid is unbelievable sometimes - she gets it from her father of course!

Thanks

I'm only to touch on this part of your post for now.

My daughter is also 6. She too, has a million pairs of shows. She ALWAYS complained of sore feet. She'd put on any paor of shoes and be complaining within minutes. I passed it off. Then I passed it off some more.

Like an asshole I passed it off for a long time. Then finally I got to thinking, "hey, maybe they do really hurt."

I made her an appt. with a podiatrist. It turns out THEY DO REALLY HURT. ALL SHOES DID MAKE HER FEET HURT. .

DD has pronating feet. Meaning they roll inwards when she walks. Putting stress on muscle groups that are working in ways they shouldn't be.

My daughter now wear $70 New Balance running shoes, bought from the only Pediatric Orthopedic shoe store in Southern SK. On top of that they are permanently adjusted by the podiatrist with an additional arch for her. Total : $100 (I don't even own $100 pair of shoes )

The moral? All other behaviour aside for a moment, she might be telling the truth. It may not be an excuse.

thank you - I've actually considered that - I didn't see a specialist, but the family doc said that if she doesn't complain of pain once she's got them on they're most likely just fine. Once she gets them on she runs, walks for long periods, etc. without a single complaint. It only seems to be the choosing that's painful.

I got her to choose last night - told her to take all the time she needed and pick her entire outfit (shoes, coat, EVERYTHING). And - wow - she did. She was even keen cos it was a new thing for her to do. She doesn't match at all, but who cares - she's happy and I was on time today! yeehaw

So for the whole one day I've tried her suggestion, fatbastardswife seems to have saved my sanity. Thanks to both!

Glad I could help! As for general stubborness, no help there as I am afflicted with that myself!

The lay it out ahead thing could work! IF not, I suggest playing beat the timer in the morning. Tell her you're setting the timer for ten minutes and she needs to beat the timer getting ready, including shoes. Works very well at this age, at least it did for dsd.

Or try the tough love thing. If she doesn't get her shoes on, she goes without and deals with the consequence. No shoes means no playing outdoors, etc. Clue the sitter in on this so that she is consistant with your process. We had issues with this with dsd and coats. She refused to wear one, we didn't push it, she got cold, she dealt with the consequence.