The girls (4.5 and 6) had a friend (she's 6, I'll call her K) from school over for dinner last night. K's granny (who I think is her primary care-giver) has been in hospital with K's younger brother who has his leg for a couple of weeks and still has a couple of weeks to go. So I thought it would be a nice distraction for her. Her mom and mom's boyfriend also live with them but I get the distinct impression that mom is a bit of a waste of space.

Anyway, when we were taking her home my oldest informs me that K kissed my 4 year old's yaya (that's what my kids call their private parts) and told DD to kiss hers. So I immediately pulled the car over and guestioned them a bit more. Yes it did happen. Now K has a history of exposing herself, I've seen her do it more than once and told her about. Last week I heard whispers about how K's little brother broke his leg.

Would a 6 yo think to do something like that on her own? Should I talk to the head teacher? He's the one I suspect has a bit of history on this family. Or to the grandmother, whom I don't really know that well? Or is is normal curiosity and should I forget about it?

I think curiosity is normal, kissing yaya's is not, she got that from somewhere or someone. I would talk to her family.

It's possible that she accidentally saw her mother and mother's boyfriend engaging in sex, or saw something on tv she shouldn't have, or that she is being molested. I'm not sure if it could come purely from curiosity, but I guess there is a possibility of that as well. Did she say anything to your DD's, like "do this or I won't be your friend?" or something along that manner? That, to me, would make it seem more like she's in an abusive situation.

What is the vibe you get from the grandmother? If she seems like good people, I think that you should talk to her because family has a right to be aware of something like this before a teacher is brought into it. From your description of the mom, it doesn't sound she is the best person to talk to, so I think that the grandmother may be the best bet in this case.

Tough call... I think it could be something more... Like punkasspie said, some curiosity is normal, maybe touching, but not kissing down there.

C

I don't really know the grandmother that well. She seems nice enough. But like I said, she's staying at the hospital so she's not in a situation where she can sit down and talk to K about it anyway. And b/c I don't really know her that well and things are bad at home for K, won't this just make things worse for her? At least I feel I can trust the head teacher not to blow things out of proportion whereas I have no idea what the grandmother's rxn would be.

And Ana, I didn't get the impression from the way DD relayed the incident that she was 'threatening' in any way. I think she's a sweet little girl, just a bit 'wild' for want of a better word.

I understand your dilemma, Jazz. It's a really tough one.

I'm just thinking that finding out about something your child (or grandchild) is doing from a teacher should be a last resort. I think I would only tell the teacher first if I thought the rest of the family was not trustworthy. It's difficult to say because the teacher may assume she's being abused when she isn't and things would escalate from there. But I see where you are coming from as well.

The good part in all of this was that your DD was able to come to you right away and tell you about it. Good luck with your decision.

Would it be inappropriate for you (what does everyone else think, please) to let K know that it isn't ok for her to kiss your children's yayas and they will not be kissing hers? If your dd is going to continue being friends with her, shouldn't something be said to K? It doesn't have to be done in an angry way, just matter of factly.

Drea, I tried to talk to her in the car at the time I found out about it. She didn't respond in any way so I don't know if it sunk in or not. At any rate, I spoke to the teacher this morning. I figured it would be worse if something is going on with her and I didn't say anything. He responded pretty much the way I expected him to and thanked me for letting him know and that I did the right thing.

I'm going to tell you to please call CPS and make a report. If nothing is going on at home, then it will be dismissed. You are so right that it would be worse if you didn't call. Oh what a position you are in, I'm sorry about that.

Please call, Please call yourself also. I have some personal reasons for believing this might be needed.

Being Curious is one thing , like my 5 year old saying I have a penis , you mom have gina. Can I see it? I say no and leave it at that.

please keep us updated if anything happens. Good luck.

Like someone else stated it could be molestation. with Pumpernickels about making a report. They (Mom's bf) may seem like "nice" people and all but my father seemed like a nice guy and well, what he was doing was far from it. I know from experience, the way she is acting out, it sounds like a molestation case. I hope it's not and I'm wrong but if that is what is happening...