Yes, but right now you are stressing the brilliance of one of your kids. That will not help them in the future. Kids live in the here and now.
Trust me, I have read your posts. I just cannot get my arms around your attitude.

Girl Next Door, no, dd#1 has shown no interest in sports. She did do ballet and tap for a couple of years and gymnastics for one but she decided she didn't like them. I've run out of things to try and don't want her to feel like I'm pushing her to find something she excels at. I'd much rather she just find something she enjoys.

Right now, she's in piano, band and the chess club. She's already declared she hates the clarinet (her choice to take it). I'm hoping chess club goes better this year than last. She was miserable with it by the end of the year. I was quite surprised when she asked to join again. Piano she sometimes enjoys and sometimes hates. She likes playing duets with her sister when no one is around.

Milkyway, Yes, What I want is for her to accept herself for who she is and not worry about what her sister or anyone else can do. Life isn't about how many gifts you have. I'm not even sure they make life better considering the expectations that come with them. In some ways, dd#1 is freer to just enjoy life than her sister.

Thanks for the suggestion, I think I'll check out the library.

Grimalkin, this is a support forum. Some of us can't support you on this but would be willing to discuss it with you. If you are interested start a thread on the ME.

No Tiddlywink, I'm asking how to deal with issues that arise from having two children who are differently abled. Reality is, there are issues to deal with WRT one not feeling out performed by the other. There's nothing wrong with my attitude. While I do admit I wish both my girls were average, I'll deal with what comes from dd#2 being precocious.

Am I not supposed to notice that one child excels while the other is average? You act like there's something wrong that I even noticed the difference and that dd#1 is noticing the difference between herself and her sister.

I, like dd#1, was quite average but I didn't have to deal with a sibling who shines so it didn't matter and I'm ill prepared for this. I want dd#1 to accept herself as who she is and to accept her sister for who she is and not worry about the differences. I don't want one child's talents to drive a wedge between them. Above all else, I want my girls to be friends and be there for each other.

No you are correct, There is NOTHING wrong with your oldest child...

Likinlife, no thanks. I'm sure it would be twisted into a flame fest.

All I'm looking for are suggestions for dealing with a situation where you have one average child and one who shines. This isn't something I've encountered before. I'm not sure how to help dd#1 deal with it. Sometimes she seems fine with her sister. Others, I think she wants to strangle her.

Quick right now name 3 good qualities your eldest dd has.

Yes-off the top of your head what are some of her good qualities?

She's personable, bright and has a good sense of humor. Where did I say she doesn't have good qualities? Most people do. My issue is that one child shines and the other is normal and that creates issues with jealousy that I'd like some feedback on dealing with.

Grimalkin, you posted above that you couldn't find things she is good at.

You shouldn't HAVE to find things she's good at.

Maybe if you stop being such a....*deep healing breath*

How do you expect her not to be jealous when you seem to place so much importance on shining. You are creating this drama in your family.

I'm not placing emphasis on shining. I'm simply describing the situation. The situation is what the situation is. I kind of have to describe it to ask for feedback in dealing with it. My kids are different. One is in the spotlight and the other not. Sometimes a child will have issues dealing with a sibling who always seems to be in the spotlight.

I have no issues with kids being average. Most of us are and most of us deal with not being the star. However, when the star is your little sister, that can be hard to take at times. I'm simply asking for advice from those who have been there. I'd really like to hear from people who had a sibling who seemed to do everything well and they didnt' and what was done to help them deal with it.

We all understand that Grimalkin, the point is that if you change the way you look at it, and think about it, it could rub off on your kids. The attitude you have now most certainly will.

I cannot help you to find a solution to the problems you see and the ones you do not. Good luck to you and your daughters.

Bluekitten, I haven't found anything she's good at as in she excels at. Previously, I had been advised to find something she excels at so she can have something she is the star at. That hasn't worked out. She seems to want to find something where she can stand out but she just doesn't. I'd rather she just accept herself as she is.

Okay, I am going to try again.

Grimalkin, love each of your children for who they are. Love your older daughter because she is funny and strong and caring, love her for continuing with things even though they do not come easier to her. Love her for HER.

Love your younger daughter for being who she is, caring and loving and all her accomplishments.

Stop stressing their differences, just love them. If your older daughter is hurt or frustrated, let her know that you love her and are there for her. That it's okay to not always be happy about things.

Stop putting such an emphasis on their accomplishments, because I can guarantee that even if you don't think you are, you are fostering ill feelings between them.

What attitude? I don't judge my kids based on their performance. I see my dd having issues with her sister because her sister tends to shine. You're reading more into this than is there.

I have two kids of different abilities and I'm trying to get support dealing with the green eyed monster. It's as simple as that. I dont' want dd#1 to feel she's less because her sister ends up the center of attention. I don't comment on my girls differences. Others do. She hears what they say.

Well tell her that then. TELL her, and love her and stop putting the emphasis on accomplishments and having to excel at things to be validated as a person.