My daughter is having a hard time - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-22-2007, 12:04 PM Thread Starter
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My daughter is having a hard time

My daughter, aged 10 is having a hard time at school. She is studying quite a lot at home but does not do well at school.

I am doing my best to try to make her feel better. I study with her every day & when she is with me, she knows her lesson very well. However, when the exam comes, she gets very nervous & does not do well. I try to take the pressure out from her so she can go to the exams not so nervous, but I am not succeding. She is a very bright girl & I tell her that all the time, however, due to her latest poor performance at school, she does not believe so. Any suggestions? Thanks,
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-24-2007, 08:16 PM
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Kids are really hard on themselves. I have an 11 year old that does SUPER in school. Literally, is in the highest math and reading she can go in her school. However, she is NOT a test taker. She gets low scores on tests. It is an anxiety thing. Her teacher explained it like this: Test taking is a SKILL. It is like playing ball...you are either naturally good at it or you aren't and have to work at it. But you can always get better with practice.

When I know she is going to have a test when I drop her off at school, I tell her good luck and that remember, it is JUST a test. It is not the see all, be all, end all to anything. I act very "light" about it so that she does. Does that make sense?

Just positive re-enforcment all the time! Click here to enlarge
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-26-2007, 01:22 PM Thread Starter
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mom23daughters,

Thanks for your words. My daughter is a little bit like that too. She gets really nervous in exams. The day before the exam, at home, she seems very well prepared but when the exam arrives, she does not do well. I am trying to take the pressure off her but have not been very successful so far.
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-26-2007, 01:27 PM Thread Starter
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mom23daughters,

Thanks for your words. My daughter is a little bit like that too. She gets really nervous in exams. The day before the exam, at home, she seems very well prepared but when the exam arrives, she does not do well. I am trying to take the pressure off her but have not been very successful so far.
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-26-2007, 01:43 PM Thread Starter
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Oooops, I do not know why the message got duplicated... Could any of the mods please take one (& this one) out... Thanks.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-26-2007, 05:35 PM
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How about talking to the teacher? I don't know that there's anything they can do or adjustments that can be made but it might help to have their input. Lots of children have test anxiety and it really affects their performance on the tests. Teachers have dealt with this in the past, maybe your DD's teacher could provide some insight or options to help her?
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-27-2007, 08:54 AM Thread Starter
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Wildflower, thanks for your suggestion & concern. That was my first reaction. I could not speak to the teacher but I spoke to a person in the school who is the connection between the school and the family. She knows my daughter quite well & took the matter with quite some interest. I explained her the full situation & she said she is going to speak to the teacher to try to take the pressure out from my daughter in the exams. However, my daughter is still feeling the pressure & I am trying to calm her down. I tell her exams are not an important matter... I tell her she just needs to keep on studying (like she has always done) & go to the exams just like she goes to class. In the exam she should just sit down, relax & just answer whatever she knows.

It seems quite easy when I tell her that, however succeeding at it is a different matter. She says she will not be nervous next time, but when next time comes she is nervous again. This makes her feel even more frustrated. It is like a loop & I do not know how to stop this loop which is harming her self esteem quite a lot. I guess it is a matter which we need to work on, day by day, but there is no magical solution. It seems that the school is ready to help us with it, which is good.

I have even thought about hypnosis or something like that (it scares me just to think about it)… Hypnosis may help us understand what lies beneath this problem (nervousness in these situations). I think it is important to know the root of the problem to find a good solution to it… I have also thought about yoga classes (so she learns how to relax)… Have you had any experience with these or other methods?
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-28-2007, 09:24 PM
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Hi, I know I am new to the board, and hope you take my response in consideration.
I have a 9 YO DD. Becca has always done well in school, good grades, good behavior...everything. Until she got to the 3rd grade. Other than the fact that she made honor roll all 4 quarters, her behavior went down hill (mainly talking), her classwork/tests as well. After much prodding and poking, I found out the teacher was the culprit. The teacher was yelling at them about thier performance. Not saying your DD's teacher is yelling, but maybe telling them how important this test is.
When it came to homework time, she knew exactly what to do, but had a hard time during classwork.
I talked to the principal and she asked if I wanted to have a scheduled "sit in" on the teacher. Please...having the teacher know I will be there..she will behaveClick here to enlarge
So, try to see from your DD if the teacher has something to do with it.
If it's not, maybe try a nice bubble bath for DD the night before
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-30-2007, 10:45 AM Thread Starter
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Smile

Thanks Steph & welcome to the forum. I am new also. At the beginning, I think it did have a little to do with one of her teachers (and we spoke with her). However & unfortunately this matter is affecting her now in all her exams & classes so it is a little out of control now.
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-05-2007, 08:24 PM
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I am a HORRIBLE test taker and so is DH....I used to have anxiety attacks when I knew there would be a test. here's a site I found with test taking tips...maybe it will help

http://www.ulc.psu.edu/studyskills/test_taking.html
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post #11 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-07-2007, 02:36 PM Thread Starter
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Tanner'sMomma, Thank you very much for the link. I will look at it in detail.
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post #12 of 12 (permalink) Old 12-18-2007, 05:55 AM
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Hi Laura7:
It used to be a big headache for my son's study.Not long ago I was recommended by my friend to visit the website: www.beestar.org .It provide a solid base for students and parents to make wise study plans.
After using it week after week, my son feels much better than before. The accelerated program challenges him early.Each week they have ribbon and online honor roll to honor kids who finish those exercises with high accuracy and reasonable speed, at the same time it gives him a lot confidence in school. I hope you would benefit from Beestar like we do.
From Sophia
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