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post #1 of 9 (permalink) Old 07-13-2016, 02:04 AM Thread Starter
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Help me build parenting confidence

Still not feeling the self-confidence I hoped I'd have by now; looking for anecdotes. how do I not feel like a shit parent all the time? I'm NOT looking for parenting advice, because it's precisely that advice that sends me into a self-doubting tailspin. I want to know how to feel confident and natural as a parent instead of riddled with anxiety, self doubt and impatience. I want to feel like I know my kid and what I do is "good enough" mothering. Then I want to let. it. go.
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post #2 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-20-2017, 04:22 AM
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Hi Nathan,
Parenting is a vast subject, or rather I will call is a vast phase of life. Learning it is not a process of 1 or 10 years, some parents turn 90 and still think about their 70-year-old child is better at parenting than they were! So you need to first relax. Your kid can never do anything wrong beyond what you have taught him. If you will not have confidence, your kid will either be too ignorant of you or will learn how to crack your nerve and will put the blame on you for any wrong that he does. You have to stop feeling like you are wrong. Every parent raises their kid with the best intentions one, and with all the traits that will help him further in life. Your in-confidence will either make him too distant from you or just a shy little human who is too shy to face this world because his parent is not confident, at all! I would suggest you talk with him the more you can. Stay in touch with him always. Never cry in front of him. If he sees you defeating, he will take up that character. you don't have to feel low every time. There lies a fine line between feeling and making uncomfortable statements. The more you try and look at other parents the more you will feel anxious. Step out of the box, and be a friend with your kid. Your kid will do great with your kids. Just follow your instincts. Don't look at what the others are dooing. Be polite and truthful with your kid. And for yourself, you need to start spending time with you. go out on walks or do yoga to feel relaxed.
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post #3 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-22-2017, 11:24 PM
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Hi welcome at this online platform. You need not panic about this difficult situation in your life. I am here for you to provide valuable information to clear all your doubts and provide maximum support to overcome this horrible situation in your life. I also facing problem in my life just 2 year ago. This is Win-Win situation for me to share my personal life experience to overcome this difficult situation. You should not miss this good opportunity in your life. You can take maximum benefit from my personal experience. I want to forget those days of my life that are full of stress and depression. It ruins my life day by day that is death in installment. I want to overcome this difficult situation at any cost. We consult with expert to handle this horrible situation in medical way.
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post #4 of 9 (permalink) Old 08-28-2017, 08:01 AM
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Hi, I totally get what you're talking about. There's so much advice out there it's overwhelming trying to DO it all and DO the right things. The best approach i can offer is to DO less and BE more. What your child really want's and needs from you is to be seen for who they really are. To be approved of and to feel good enough themselves. Take time to work on yourself, meditate until you feel love for yourself in your heart. This will affect your child's feelings and behaviours too. I have written a fair bit on this subject and I'll share some of it for you here:

Many of us have insecurities about our fundamental worthiness as parents. This alone can cause us to communicate poorly with our children. The fundamental fear is: “I’m not good enough”. We may worry about this and at times question whether we’re even fit to be parents. We may fear that we’re under-qualified, have no faith in ourselves and therefore no conviction in the words we’re using when attempting to guide and discipline. Then, if our child is behaving poorly or seems unhappy, we can lose even more confidence in our ability, and the downward spiral continues. At that point it really is ‘the blind leading the blind’. The good news is that once our insecurities are recognised and admitted, they can be accepted and then released.

Self-confidence (self-love), presence and conviction in the words you use are absolutely required in order for you to communicate with children effectively. This means coming from a place of love and respect for yourself, as well as a place of love and respect for them.

If you love yourself enough, you’ll demand respect from everyone you encounter purely with your presence. If you love and respect yourself enough, you won’t allow yourself to dwell in the murky waters of undesirable emotion. If we know that when we’re stressed (in fear) we suffer, and we also realise that we are in control of our emotions, it doesn’t make sense to continue to hold on to the painful ones. The good news is we don’t have to hold on to them. We can simply let them go. We facilitate our own suffering, and we have the power to abate it.

Hope this helps you but let me know if you want any further clarification or practical things you can do to achieve these states of self love. Peace and love from TRExxx
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post #5 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-05-2017, 01:41 AM
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Parenting is very tough and you must not doubt yourself to have self-confidence. Always trust your methods of bringing up your children. When you will trust yourself then, only your children will. Don’t let your children to take undue advantage of your leniency. Try to in cult good qualities in them and you can do this by many ways.
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post #6 of 9 (permalink) Old 09-12-2017, 06:47 AM
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Hi dear. I can give you some tips as I am a mother myself. Building self-esteem in children is an ongoing process and starts early. As parents, we don’t always get it right, but as long as you can remember to praise, listen and enforce boundaries in a positive way this will hopefully ensure that your child knows your door will always be open and that you will never withdraw your love and support. You can help to build your child’s self-esteem by letting them know how well they have done and how proud you are of them. Don’t just say this, use descriptive words to ensure that they understand why you are pleased. Even though they might feel embarrassed talking to you they need to know that you are there to listen and support, not judge them for feeling the way they do at times. You can also consult a good gynecologist if you have any complications during childbirth. I will suggest Ukraine is the best place to go. I hope the tips will help you. Stay safe and be happy.
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post #7 of 9 (permalink) Old 12-29-2017, 12:23 PM
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Hi there.

Honestly, I think we all feel like you at some point. Parenting is the TOUGHEST job in the world, but also the most rewarding. None of us really know what we are doing, but learning as we go. None of us are perfect, but doing our best. I'm sure you are doing a great job, just being too hard on yourself. We usually are our own worst critics.
I liked this blog post that helped me to have a more confidence as a parent despite the mental health and behavioral issues that my teens have endured.

You're doing the best you can, and that is more than enough. Us parents have to stick together. Best of luck to you.
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post #8 of 9 (permalink) Old 02-03-2018, 11:53 AM
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Very well said. We're all too harsh at ourselves sometimes. The fact that you're willing to seek information and better yourself makes you way ahead of the curve imho.
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post #9 of 9 (permalink) Old 03-06-2018, 12:24 AM
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We are conducting a study of human skills which are important in the age of digital economy. This survey is intended for parents who have children aged from 6 to 13 years old.
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Thank you!
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