Octy made a typo and I was making a joke. We're not going after you like an Alfred Hitchcock movie or anything.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/HELLP_syndrome

Bold is mine. It is very, very dangerous. A competent provider would not have allowed you to travel 75 miles to a hospital.

Jen, i don't think you realize how sick you were (or could be). I have known one person w/ HELLP. She had it w/ two pregnancies and the 2nd time she almost died. She got worse after the birth.

HELPP is ALWAYS life threatening. It doesn't usually end in death, but it certainly is a thread to life, because a mom can go downhill so fast, and it's not as simple as "deliver the baby and you are better" as can be the case with PIH.

Not to mention as Empress said the risk of DIC. I wouldn't want a mom in an ambulance or chopper if she was at risk for a DIC. I have heard horror stories about a DIC case ( i was pg w/ claudia at the time) and it was horrifying.

DIC scares the shit out of me, it's one of the reasons I am vehemently pro-VBAC. I know it won't always prevent it but can't hurt.

I find it hard to believe that you are getting good care by your doctor's if you weren't even aware that HELLP is life threatening. I understand you've had this doctor for years, but seriously. If you aren't even up to date about your medical condition how can you possibly have a decent dr?

Wish you guys the best.

Would you consider just formula feeding so you can go back on your meds? I am super duper yay breastfeeding, but if I needed medication that helped me live a better, happier life, then I think I'd forgo the bf'ing. I know you want to do what is best for your baby, but sometimes that means having a happy mommy!

And it's too bad you don't live closer...I have a full bottle of vicodin in the cabinet. Just kidding.

I think of your sweet baby all the time, and hope she continues to grow and get stronger every day.

Still thinking of you and Ella. I would love an update whenever you can give one. Praying for you guys every day...

Thinking of you & Ella, too.

So, my power cord gave out. Took this long to get a new one.

So far she has seen a nephrologist, and today she saw an endocrinologist. She is in renal failure, or she was, then she had great output, now she doesn't...

She was on a conventional vent, but now she isn't. She is back on the HFOV. She has areas of collapse. And those areas are different areas with each xray.
Her blood pressure is low, so they are probably going to start her on a pair of meds again.

She was doing way better, and today she really isn't. In fact she isn't doing well at all today.

And it was I either travel 75 miles to this hospital or 55 miles to Boston, in Boston traffic. No hospital in my area was equipped to take my child.

Oh, and Stinky - despite all of this I am not suffering PPD. I'm overwhelmed, and sometimes panicked, but not depressed. I don't think there is time for depression. Thanks for the thought.

If I wasn't overwhelmed and panicked then there would be something horribly wrong. I haven't met a NICU mom who isn't overwhelmed to some degree almost every day. I feel much calmer now.

I'm sorry to hear she isn't doing well today. I hope things get better; it sounds like it's going to be a long road for her and you. Take care of yourself.

It's a one-step-forward-two-steps-back dance and it sucks. I hope she turns the corner soon and I'm glad you're holding up well.

She's in my thoughts Jen.

I think of her often, too. Especially now, since I'm actively trying to keep my baby in with bedrest and the terbutaline pump.

Today was a really rough day.
I walked in to find 4 nurses doing blood cultures, then I watched as her BP bottomed out. They aren't restarting the BP meds like I thought, but they did start her on hydrocortisone and upped her fluids. The next BP her numbers made us smile.

She will be getting her 7th? transfusion tonight, or maybe tomorrow.

I'm pumping all the damn time, and I can't seem to get my output very high. I think I am getting about 12oz a day. I know she isn't taking very much at all, but I would feel more productive if I was producing more.

I have to leave her for about 36 hours tomorrow so I can get some of my medical taken care of. I need an ultrasound and a HIDA scan, after which I need to pump and dump for 3 days or more.

This pic was her this morning just before rounds. Just before she decided to demand everyone's attention.

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Oatmeal, eat lots of oatmeal. I know the other recommended ways of increasing supply(mother's milk tea, fenugreek, etc) aren't recommended for preemies to intake(at least, that's what my friend that had a 34weeker was told, she was in the hospital for almost a month IIRC)

And pump every 3 hours. But, 12oz a day really isn't bad at all considering everything you've been thru in the past few weeks.

Oh look at her!

12 oz is good at this stage. How many times a day are you pumping? Sessions between midnight and 6 or 7 am are always extremely productive as that's when your body's production of prolactin is highest.

She is beautiful and thank you so much for updating and posting that picture.

Take care of yourself.

ooh she is cute, I love the hat. Is that her big brother in the background getting to visit?