I smoked - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
Kickin Butts A forum for those who are trying to quit smoking and those who already have to provide support and encouragement.

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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-20-2006, 10:38 PM Thread Starter
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I smoked

After 10 weeks of being smoke free, I had a cigarette Saturday night.

DH and I went out to dinner and then for drinks to celebrate our 10 year anniversary.

I have been really wanting to smoke for about 3 weeks now, and I guess having a couple of drinks in me lowered my willpower enough that at the end of the night, I succumbed to the wanting (somehow I managed to hold off until the evening was over.) It was SO FUCKING GOOD! I really thought it would choke me and taste nasty, but it didn't. Click here to enlarge

DH left his cigarettes on the patio tonight (usually he keeps them out of my sight and doesn't smoke around me) and I smoked another one.

It's hard to explain how I feel about the whole thing. I'm kind of disappointed that I enjoyed it so much, but at the same time I feel like it won't be a very big deal if I go out and just buy myself a pack. Then again, what a waste of 10 weeks, huh?

Has anyone else gone through something similar? Did you start back up or did you just falter that one time and stayed quit?
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-20-2006, 11:07 PM
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I have. Click here to enlarge

Tomorrow is a new day. You can start again.

Beating yourself up over it won't help you.
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-21-2006, 07:48 PM
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Been there, done that. Just remember...You dont want one, you want them all.

When would be a better time to quit? Check out www.quitnet.net, it has been a lifesaver for me. The thing is that no one can tell you when to quit right? It is your decision alone. I made my final decision when at 34 I spent a 4 days in the hospital due to smoking. I was on oxygen and was terrified. I could not breathe. Go figure, I lost my own father to lung cancer and I still picked up the habit.

Find that one thing that will keep you quit. Hopefully you can make the decision before you end up like I did. No one said it was easy, this is addiction!
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 01:16 PM Thread Starter
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Well, I didn't stop there. I bought a pack today. I am fucked aren't I?

I'm feeling very weird. Guilty, but not really.

I am going to toss the pack, but honestly, I plan to smoke another one or two before I do. I know that is stupid, so why am I making plans to do it?

It's a weird feeling that I can't really explain. I need to just stop it and get back to being a nonsmoker.

I think I've had about 8 cigarettes since Saturday night.

WJH, can you tell me your experience? Did you quit for a while and then just have a few, or did you start back up fully and have to quit again?
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 04:32 PM
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You are justifying my dear. I did the same thing the last time I quit. I had been smoke free for 2 years. I just wanted 1. Then I bought just one pack. I was only going to have one at night after the kids were in bed. It kept growing. I smoked for 2 years before I got to my most recent attempt. Toss the pack now. You can do this.

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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 03-22-2006, 07:21 PM Thread Starter
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You are so right, Coral! At this point, I have smoked just about the whole pack.

I guess I am addicted again. I am having a really hard time convincing myself that the best thing to do is not go out tomorrow and buy more. Even though I know it, I still am thinking "what's the harm? I can quit again."

I said that I didn't consider it a situation where I will have to quit again. I would just stop and be OK. Now, I know I will have to struggle through another quit like I did in January. Fuck, this was a stupid ass mistake and my resolve is not the same as it was in Jan. Now I want to smoke when 10 weeks ago I was ready to quit. This is hard.
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