I just noticed this. Sorry I am late... You are in my thoughts. Hang in there.

I'm now on dilauded and oxy, alternating for my spasm/episodes. They are calling it "epi-gastric" pain, which is classic with pre-e. The docs are watching it bc apparently it means that my liver is inflamed, and that the capsule is irritated. Whatever that means. I just know it hurts like a whore.

I got my shower in, but I look like ASS. The bags under my eyes are the same color as the bruises all over my arms. I don't have a camera on my laptop though. Sorry to disappoint. You all will just have to suffice with the horrible pic dh took of me. I'm in my hospital bed with an IV pole behind me. My phone takes horrible pics.

I got some results back, and my liver enzymes are up again. They aren't big bad scary, but they are high enough to put me back to the labs every 6 hours. One of the vials clotted (hemolyzed) before they could run the test, so they re-did the whole batch, plus 4 extras. They have now missed my veins a total of 16 times.

My BP was high enough to make a doc run in here and ask what I had done to push it up. I had just stood up to go pee and brush my teeth. My BP was 148/87. 20 minutes later it was back to 'ok'. My temp is up a little - but you all don't care about that.

Baby's HR is still awesome at 160 BPM. No ctx. My HR has been around 70 almost the entire time I've been here. I think that's the best it's ever been in my life.

I got to talk with ds for a while this afternoon. He said he misses me. That made me cry an awful lot. He is allowed to come up to visit, but my mil is a little afraid to make a 90 minute drive with him twice, just to have him be upset seeing me in a hospital bed. I look sick. There is no getting around it. He said he stole my pillow off my bed and he isn't giving it back until I come home. I'm ok sharing my pillow with him. He can have it forever if it makes him feel a little better.

Bed rest still blows, but it's doing a good thing for this child, so I will cope. And so will you guys.

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So glad you are hanging in there!

When I was on hospital bedrest, I was about ready to slap the next person who said "Enjoy it while you can, you won't be resting once those babies get here!"

Fuck that shit. You are scared and stressed and tired of being in the damned bed and bored out of your fucking mind. I didn't even have a laptop and there were only 7 or 6 channels on the tv. I watched Christopher Lowell until I was ready to murder him for painting stencils all over the walls and for his obsession with up lights.

I'm glad you've at least got us bitches to help entertain you.

one more day jen. good job!

STM You understand!

The shower felt wonderful. I'm sad I didn't get to it sooner. It helped some of my belly pain, and it was so nice to get a solid 10 minutes, completely uninterrupted. That never happens at my house.

My bed is the biggest pain in the ass. It is 'self-adjusting' so every time I move some part or another inflates or deflates, to reduce the chance of bed sores. I understand it, but when I am trying to stretch the spasm out of my belly it keeps adjusting, or deflating and tilting.

And do you all have any idea how tough it is to choose your hospital meal in advance when you are pregnant? From a hospital menu? OMG What a flipping pain! I thought I would want the mac and cheese the next day. It arrived and I had dh put it out in the hall - the smell was too much for me! However, the bacon has been awesome every time I've had it. Apparently you can never do bacon badly. Even in a hospital!

the person in that picture is a lot fatter, and I don't mean swollen with fluids, the person on that bed is fat.

Ok, seriously. You posted a picture? Seriously. Since this is a support forum I'll just shut up and won't say that I think you might be a little nutso if you are as sick as you say you are and still willing to do stupid stuff for a bunch of strangers. A picture? WTF! And your husband was just ok with taking a picture for random internet strangers as well? I hope that your baby is ok because I think he/she will need to be strong.

I know that when a person has early onset HELLP, they should not have to choose their macaroni and cheese the day before.

Are you sure you should be eating salty foods like bacon? I don't know much about the conditions you're dealing with, but it would seem that all that sodium can't be good for your blood pressure, etc.

Obviously I was talking about this guy. Someone in BCD is thinking about going out with him.

Good fucking lord.

jennyjen, I really hope your baby is ok. I also hope that you get the help that you need.

Jenny you're damned if you do, damned if you don't

I think the way they are treating your HELLP is very interesting and unusual. I certainly hope things turn out well for you and your baby. Especially if you are undergoing some sort of experimental treatment.

do they still say you have hellp or do they now say you have pre-e? are you on other meds for hypertension? do these new docs agree that you have placental mosaicism or iugr?

Personally I think she needs to stop over-sharing.

Jen, just getting caught up here. Hope you are doing ok. If you need anything, pm me, and I can come up.

I wish I had a concrete diagnosis. The fact is, I don't. I don't meet all of the criteria for HELLP. My bp is not consistently high, so it isn't exactly pre-e.

If you believe me, fine. If not - fuck you. I don't care. All I care is that this child is ok.

Dammit, I'm prematurely an unsupportive freeloader and can't see the pic.

You don't need a consistently high BP to have pre-eclampsia and if the doctors told you that then you seriously need new doctors.

Doc just came in and told me that if I have another bout of pain, if my BP spikes again, if my next set of labs comes back wonky etc, she will deliver.

And I made the poor assumption that pre-e required consistently high bp. That was my mistake. I thought pre-e was high bp, not high bp sometimes.