I hate living anymore.. - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
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post #1 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-26-2010, 05:55 PM Thread Starter
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I hate living anymore..

Without my mom. I have had a hard time since she died on September 1st, 2008. Lately I thought I was doing better but I guess not.

I was just on one of my brother's facebook and looking through some photos he added, and there were some of mom. I just broke down and cried. I miss her so much and it's not fair she had to die at such a young age!!! She had so many people that loved her!!

I feel like I want to hit something right now, but I won't of course. I get so angry, then mad and then sad. I want my mom right now so much, I have so much to tell her. I just need to hug her and tell her how much I loved her and still do. She was the only person I had to talk to about things. I am so lonely without her being alive.

My dad still has mom's voice on the answering machine and I love to hear it. Then I start to cry because she should be here with us. I am so tired of living without her!!!! Click here to enlarge
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post #2 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-26-2010, 07:24 PM
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I wish I had more to say than, I know exactly how you feel, but I do. On March 4th, it will have been three years since I lost my mom, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss her. She was my best friend and I have so much that I want to talk to her about, too and I hate that I can't.

I'm sorry you're hurting so much. Click here to enlarge It really does suck.
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post #3 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-26-2010, 07:29 PM
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I'm so sorry :hugs Click here to enlarge
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post #4 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2010, 04:48 AM Thread Starter
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Thank you all!

It hurts so much I think because she died unexpectedly and she was only 55 years old. She had insomnia and would sleep mostly during the day.

My dad went to wake her around 4p.m., to see if she wanted something to eat, and when he tried he noticed she wouldn't move nd she still had her 7up bottle in her hand. She had all the lights off in their bedroom and it was very dark. When he turned the lights on he noticed that her face was blue but the rest of her body was warm. The medics didn't even try to do anything, they pronounced her dead on the scene.

My husband, kids and I went to visit them the day before. She had just taken some medicine for a sinus infection and was tired, but she stayed up to visit with us. My sister called me the next day and told me mom died, I didn't believe her because I just seen her the day before.

We don't know why she died at a young age, and that's what bothers me. The not knowing. I still see her in my mind laying in the bed and the casket like it was yesterday. The pain of her being going is geting too much for me to handle anymore. I just don't know how much more of this hurting I can take. I just don't want to live anymore. Click here to enlarge
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post #5 of 19 (permalink) Old 02-27-2010, 07:26 AM
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I am so sorry about your mom. Click here to enlarge If you are feeling like you don't want to live anymore, I can't stress how important I think getting help (from a counselor/ therapist/ support group, etc) is. There are resources for you out there, regardless of your economic situation.

Your mom would want you to enjoy your life and live it to the fullest. Click here to enlarge And your babies need you. Best wishes, busy... I hope you can find some peace with the loss of your mom.
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post #6 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-01-2010, 03:27 PM
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That is really young to die, I am so sorry Click here to enlarge I lost my mom at age 65, it will be 4 years ago March 4. She was progressively ill for 8 years before she died, but her death was still a shock to me and it doesn't get any easier. I think it helps me that I have my sister, and we are close, and we were both pretty close with her. It is so awesome that you have her voice recorded, I remember that being the first thing I wanted was to hear her voice. I think we may have some video footage of her, but so far I haven't brought myself to dig any out. Anyway, hang in there, your mom would be the first to tell you that, it will be ok Click here to enlarge Click here to enlarge
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post #7 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-01-2010, 05:06 PM Thread Starter
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Thank you all!

I have some videos of her also I have been wanting to watch, but just can't bring myself to watch them yet. It is a shock sometimes when I call my dad and get my mom's voice on the answering machine when I least expect it.

It's just hard to enjoy life right now, maybe sometime down the road I will be able to. I deal with all this on my own. My husband lends an ear when I need to talk. I tried talking to a therapist when I was expecting my last baby, since my mom died when I was around 6 months pregnant, and I stopped going. I have always kept things to myself and it felt weird talking to someone about my feelings.

So I'm just taking one minute at a time.
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post #8 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-06-2010, 03:05 PM
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My mom died unexpectedly at 52. It was over 8 years ago and it still kills me. I miss her so much and I still need her here. It sucks.
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post #9 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-12-2010, 11:46 AM
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I am so sorry you guys Click here to enlarge Mom's aren't suppose to die that young.
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post #10 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-01-2010, 08:26 PM
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I'm sorry Click here to enlarge Have you tried attening a grief support group?
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post #11 of 19 (permalink) Old 03-27-2017, 11:10 AM
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i'm sorry m8 ;c
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post #12 of 19 (permalink) Old 04-05-2017, 12:01 PM
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I'm sorry to hear that... My advice is to move on. She wouldn't want to see you crying all the time.
You've got to stay strong for your kids.
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post #13 of 19 (permalink) Old 08-15-2017, 07:40 AM
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Hi, dear.
I can't find enough words to put into a language known to us about how sorry I am for your loss. Yes, it hurts and it never just stops hurting enough, right? We were blessed with a disguised god, namely, mother because somehow the gods sitting up above knew that the earth would be far more a better place if every being there has a mother. Someone who not only takes care of her child but can also die for them. She keeps a child in her womb for 9 months. Something quite unbearable and surprising for the mankind. And people who lose their mothers are the most unfortunate people on the whole planet. I can feel it gets impossible to survive. But dear just imagine, she wouldn't have wanted you to be as depressed as you are, right? She would have only and always just wanted you to have lived your life the best and in the most beautiful way. I know it sounds like better said than done kind of words. But trust me, you have to think of her, love for her life the way she couldn't. Go out and live the dreams that she couldn't. Make her life worth remembering, carry her legacy forward. I am sure she might have been no less than a wonder woman! I know you can't get over it, I guess no body can't and there's no explanation for it. but you have to get up one day. And face it one day. Live your life, and make her proud. I know you can and you must. I wish the best in your life. Take care, I will pray for you.
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post #14 of 19 (permalink) Old 08-17-2017, 01:52 AM
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Dear Friend! I totally understand what you are going through! Loss of a loved one simply makes one alone and no matter how much one tries to sympathize these feelings keep coming back. But dear, you really have to hold yourself up. If not for yourself then at least for your mother as she is still around you not in a bodily form but in a spiritual way. She is now your guardian angel in spirit and is sad to see you sad. So need to be very strong. You know my elder daughter passed away almost a year ago left me in utter shock and disbelief. Her death made me feel as if I am responsible for it. She died coming back from school one day when a drunk driver hit the post on the pavement and the wheel of his car literally hit my daughter in her head. She was declared dead as soon as she was rushed to the hospital. It was my turn to go to get her from school but I could not make it. I just use to sit in her room and cry for hours together. But then one night I saw her sitting next to me wiping my tears and then as soon as I hugged her I slept away peacefully. Morning I woke up I was fresh as ever and then I went to meet her in the graveyard. I wept there for hours and made her a promise that I wonít shed a tear again because if it was destined to happen, it happened and it is beyond our control. Once I accepted it, I was at peace so you also please accept it and be happy as your mother would always want you to be.
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post #15 of 19 (permalink) Old 08-17-2017, 02:16 AM
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Hi welcome friend. First of all, I want to say you to handle this difficult situation in your life with positive attitude. I am feeling pity and pain regarding your difficulty in life. You should not lose hope and face it bravely that is beneficial and profitable for you in many ways. This is very unforgettable moment in my life to see you are facing same problem like me. I also facing problem like you just 2 year ago in my life. This is golden opportunity in my life to understand your problem very well. I am feeling happy to help you to overcome this difficult situation and your life.
It is God wish you have to accept and obey God wish. You have to face this difficulty in your life with Godís rule and regulation. You have to overcome negative thinking. You have to change your thought pattern. You can use positive affirmation to cure yourself within short time period. Hypnosis is also very effective to cure this type of problem. It is carrier signal that your body is not in balance. You have to spend proper healthy timing and your hobby with children to get quality entertainment. You have to come out from your home and spend some valuable time with natural things to get maximum benefit to overcome this difficult situation. You have to control yourself to fight with this difficult situation in your life. I am lucky and want to express Gods thanks to provide full support to handle this difficult situation in my life with confidence. I hope you get sufficient information to clear your doubts to get enough inspiration with yoga and meditation to make balance in your body and mind.
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post #16 of 19 (permalink) Old 08-17-2017, 02:17 AM
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losing hope

Hi welcome friend. First of all, I want to say you to handle this difficult situation in your life with positive attitude. I am feeling pity and pain regarding your difficulty in life. You should not lose hope and face it bravely that is beneficial and profitable for you in many ways. This is very unforgettable moment in my life to see you are facing same problem like me. I also facing problem like you just 2 year ago in my life. This is golden opportunity in my life to understand your problem very well. I am feeling happy to help you to overcome this difficult situation and your life.
It is God wish you have to accept and obey God wish. You have to face this difficulty in your life with Godís rule and regulation. You have to overcome negative thinking. You have to change your thought pattern. You can use positive affirmation to cure yourself within short time period. Hypnosis is also very effective to cure this type of problem. It is carrier signal that your body is not in balance. You have to spend proper healthy timing and your hobby with children to get quality entertainment. You have to come out from your home and spend some valuable time with natural things to get maximum benefit to overcome this difficult situation. You have to control yourself to fight with this difficult situation in your life. I am lucky and want to express Gods thanks to provide full support to handle this difficult situation in my life with confidence. I hope you get sufficient information to clear your doubts to get enough inspiration with yoga and meditation to make balance in your body and mind.
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post #17 of 19 (permalink) Old 06-09-2018, 03:24 AM
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Dear Friend! I totally understand what you are going through! Loss of a loved one simply makes one alone and no matter how much one tries to sympathize these feelings keep coming back. But dear, you really have to hold yourself up. If not for yourself then at least for your mother as she is still around you not in a bodily form but in a spiritual way. She is now your guardian angel in spirit and is sad to see you sad. So need to be very strong. Your mom would want you to enjoy your life and live it to the fullest. And your babies need you. Best wishes, I hope you can find some peace with the loss of your mom.
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post #18 of 19 (permalink) Old 08-14-2018, 12:15 PM
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Hi dear. I can feel your pain. You have really gone through much. I can only say that you should be strong enough. It is not necessary for you only but also for your babies. I think you should focus on them. Moreover you should seek some help. it will definitely help you. There is an upcoming event in London. I think you should attend that if possible. It will surely help you come out of teh trauma. There are doctors who can better judge your situation. You should seek help from them. Try to be positive and enjoy all the other blessings of life. Takecare
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post #19 of 19 (permalink) Old 08-29-2018, 01:25 PM
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I am so sorry for your problem. I am feeling pity and pain regarding your m problem. Today we are living in advance world with less physical activity and stressful life create miscarriage problem at an early stage. You should not lose hope. You should give preference to a suitable way of sitting and sleeping that has less pressure on your womb. I am waiting for your reply to hear good news soon.
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