My mother was the funniest person I knew, a huge presence in my life. She was exasperating as hell, she was street smart and tough as nails. No one ever dared to mess with her. She was 1/4 Choctaw and looked it. I was envious all my life of her shiny black hair, perfect smile and flashing black eyes. Unfortunately I am my dad in drag.

I used to often be embarrassed in public with her. She grew up in Pico Rivera and apparently got in street fights nearly every day, and this little street meanie would reappear in crowds, grocery stores, etc. If someone bumped into her and didn't say anything she'd yell, "Excuse YOU! You old bitch!" If she attempted to start a conversation in the grocery line and the person ignored her she'd repeat herself in sign language.

Music was always present. She favored lowrider ballads, doowop and Little Richard. I can't handle it when I hear her music now. No matter where we were if she'd hear one of her songs she'd drop everything and dance. I wish I could be more like her. She was never embarrassed and didn't give a fat rat fuck what anyone thought of her. If they dared to even look at her cross-eyed she'd tell them to fuck right off.

I miss her hugs, her embarrassing me in public, her fierce affection, her making me watch her dumb tv shows. I miss going out with her and having people yell her name wherever she went. I miss people approaching me to tell me how much they love her, how bubbly and funny and how infectious her laughter is, only to look me over (my lack of grace and grumpy expression) and say, "And aren't you just like your father!"

Cancer can suck a dick.

PS: Haven't posted here in years, but dreamed about it last night, oddly enough. Thought it would be a good place to vent.

I'm sorry for your loss, it sounds like she was a really fun person

I'm so sorry for your loss. What a great mom


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I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you felt safe talking about her here. She sounds like someone I would have liked to meet.