Listen, I know how you feel. Keep your chin up.
When I left the sumbitch, I took the younger 2 with me. 6 and 11. Gave them a wonderful home in a nice 3br townhouse. Soccer mom and all that. At 13, the older one decided to go back to the asshole. Why? Because it was FUN over there. (read: no supervision) The courts will ALWAYS let the kid decide...WTF is THAT about??? I can send you my email, and you can hear the whole story, but suffice to say I'm a nice person from a nice home and a nice background and mothered them from my heart.
She went from being a cheerleader/1st chair trombone/good grades to failing, expelled for fighting, and caught with paraphenalia. And lost her virginity at 13.
Fast forward. After 2 yrs of no contact (although I tried), she came back because her dad was a well-to-do alcoholic who didn't have a clue and she was already ruined. 5 mos later she returned to her dad, when I tried to get help for her. He knocked her around, she tried to slit her wrists, went to therapeutic foster care for a year, and I got her back a year ago. Graduated this past spring.
So, what do the courts do? Give my 12yo baby to him. Last Feb. And the dipshit refuses me my visitation. We're STILL in court over it. I haven't seen my baby in 6 mos.
Believe me when I tell you I'm hurting for you...for both of us.
I hate dickhead men. Not all men, just the dickheads. And remember... the legal system was set-up by men, ruled by men, and screwed up by men.
BTW, I was married to him for 25 yrs. Two years after I left, he threw a heavy object at me and gave me a concussion. Said I ran into a tree on purpose to *frame* him. I really DO understand.