38 wks pregnant- To stay or go? - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-13-2008, 03:15 PM Thread Starter
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38 wks pregnant- To stay or go?

Hi I am looking for a little advice. I am 38 weeks pregnant with my first child. I am currently in a relationship with a man who has been very supportive of this pregnancy and I am very happy with our current relationship.

In the past we went through some hard times and he became violent and cheated on me. He went through counseling and treats me 5 billion times better and is a very supportive man.

The problem is that he still won't fess up to the affair even though I have all the proof I need including confirmation from the girl who happened to be his ex.

Its been almost 2 years since then and while he is amazing to me now, I feel like I haven't healed. I don't know how to. I have pled for the truth and got nothing in return. He treats me so well now, but a part of me feels like my hearts not in it and I resent him for hurting me and the ongoing lie.

He swears he never did it, but he admits to the emotional affair. Does this matter anymore? I am so upset I am having trouble sleeping and now I feel tied to him. We had a long talk last night and I told him that I didn't know if I could stick around. I am worried about this baby getting hurt. He said if we are over he won't be a part of our daughters life. It would be too hard... I wonder if its not my pregnant hormones causing this confusion. I am really afraid of staying home looking after our little girl and him out having affairs. I just don't want to get hurt. I also don't want to tear our family apart.

Please help. Thanks!
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 11:01 PM
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even tho he supports you and is nice now as a male i must say when a guy cheats once he will cheat again guys that cheat talk about it to there mates and act all big about it even tho its the lowest thing ever

but with a child on the way you cant just get up and leave you need the support a man will bring unless you have a good exit stratagy

also as your posting should i leave, it means you have doubts about the relationship or you have doubts about him just look deep inside your self and your answer should be there
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-16-2008, 04:12 PM
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I say that you should both go to counseling. Joint and separate. If you think it is worth the effort to save the marriage, then save it!

I wish you luck! I know that making this decision is hard for you. So set up counseling and go from there.

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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-28-2008, 06:11 AM
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I can tell you from experience that just because they cheat once does not mean they will cheat again. My now husband did this all to me except he actually got the other woman pg while I was six months pg. He said and did everything I wanted to hear but after a while of "playing house" he went back to his old ways and became verbal. The love I had for my child was enough for me to get away from him. I KNEW he would talk to our child that same way. During the time of "playing house" I got pg again and this time with twins. I raised them all alone. It was hard but he wasn't in the picture to mess them up.
We have been married eight years and only lived together about a year of that. When he comes to visit he is quick tempered and I have to correct him.
You can not make a man into a father. He needs to learn how to parent. If he talk to you with disrespect he WILL talk that way to the child.
I wouldn't tell you what to do but if I only had the one child and know what I know now...........I would run out of there.
YOU are to protect that child.
Good luck
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-28-2008, 01:57 PM
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Well if he’s truly changed, then I say you need to get over your obsessive need for the truth, and just realize that he isn’t going to come clean. Are you really going to throw away a good man, and what could be a good dad for your kid…all because you need him to “fess up?” You say he treats you so great…and he’s changed…so let it go.

If you deep down just don’t trust him (which your post kinda comes across as)…then just don’t be with him. I don’t think you can have a healthy family when the parents don’t trust or respect each other. It’s a huge loss that he is not going to be in the picture, but you can still go after him for child support. Better to end things now while the kid doesn’t know their dad than to keep him around and tear up the family later.

Good luck on your decision! J
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-28-2008, 04:17 PM
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I reiterate, go to counseling.

For the families sake, whether you stay with him, or leave him, you should both go to counseling about it.

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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-02-2008, 06:26 AM Thread Starter
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Thanks for your advice. We definately could use some counseling.

I have another little issue to complicate the mix. 8 months ago my DR routine tested me for all STD's because I am pregnant. Everything came out clean.

he now has had a bacterial infection in his penis and went to get it checked a week ago. The dr screened him for stds as well. He never told me he got screened for these until yesterday.... His results came back and they were clean except chlamydia came back inconclusive. He was upset and told me. He is worried because it could harm the baby in childbirth.

I reminded him I had been tested, but now he is convinced its chlamydia! I explained the logic that if he was faithful and he says he was, he has nothing to worry about. But his dr thinks thats what is wrong with him and he won't listen to me.... While waiting on the results, things are strained with us. I am upset that he doesn't just dismiss the idea. Isn't this an admission of guilt? I am due in 4 days. I am so confused!!!!
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