38 wks pregnant- To stay or go? - Sybermoms Parenting Forum
Single Moms Single Moms Support- We're doing by ourselves but we're not alone. Come here to chat about the pros and cons of being an unattached parent. Support only please.

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-13-2008, 03:15 PM Thread Starter
Unsupportive Freeloader
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2
 
38 wks pregnant- To stay or go?

Hi I am looking for a little advice. I am 38 weeks pregnant with my first child. I am currently in a relationship with a man who has been very supportive of this pregnancy and I am very happy with our current relationship.

In the past we went through some hard times and he became violent and cheated on me. He went through counseling and treats me 5 billion times better and is a very supportive man.

The problem is that he still won't fess up to the affair even though I have all the proof I need including confirmation from the girl who happened to be his ex.

Its been almost 2 years since then and while he is amazing to me now, I feel like I haven't healed. I don't know how to. I have pled for the truth and got nothing in return. He treats me so well now, but a part of me feels like my hearts not in it and I resent him for hurting me and the ongoing lie.

He swears he never did it, but he admits to the emotional affair. Does this matter anymore? I am so upset I am having trouble sleeping and now I feel tied to him. We had a long talk last night and I told him that I didn't know if I could stick around. I am worried about this baby getting hurt. He said if we are over he won't be a part of our daughters life. It would be too hard... I wonder if its not my pregnant hormones causing this confusion. I am really afraid of staying home looking after our little girl and him out having affairs. I just don't want to get hurt. I also don't want to tear our family apart.

Please help. Thanks!
melodymaker77 is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 11:01 PM
Unsupportive Freeloader
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2
 
even tho he supports you and is nice now as a male i must say when a guy cheats once he will cheat again guys that cheat talk about it to there mates and act all big about it even tho its the lowest thing ever

but with a child on the way you cant just get up and leave you need the support a man will bring unless you have a good exit stratagy

also as your posting should i leave, it means you have doubts about the relationship or you have doubts about him just look deep inside your self and your answer should be there
minishaw is offline  
post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-16-2008, 04:12 PM
Howdy
Hard-Core Sybermom
 
SasCrotch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: flori-DUH
Posts: 5,667
           
Send a message via Yahoo to SasCrotch
I say that you should both go to counseling. Joint and separate. If you think it is worth the effort to save the marriage, then save it!

I wish you luck! I know that making this decision is hard for you. So set up counseling and go from there.

SasCrotch is offline  
post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-28-2008, 06:11 AM
Unsupportive Freeloader
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2
 
I can tell you from experience that just because they cheat once does not mean they will cheat again. My now husband did this all to me except he actually got the other woman pg while I was six months pg. He said and did everything I wanted to hear but after a while of "playing house" he went back to his old ways and became verbal. The love I had for my child was enough for me to get away from him. I KNEW he would talk to our child that same way. During the time of "playing house" I got pg again and this time with twins. I raised them all alone. It was hard but he wasn't in the picture to mess them up.
We have been married eight years and only lived together about a year of that. When he comes to visit he is quick tempered and I have to correct him.
You can not make a man into a father. He needs to learn how to parent. If he talk to you with disrespect he WILL talk that way to the child.
I wouldn't tell you what to do but if I only had the one child and know what I know now...........I would run out of there.
YOU are to protect that child.
Good luck
Sgtmom is offline  
post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-28-2008, 01:57 PM
Unsupportive Freeloader
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 5
 
Well if he’s truly changed, then I say you need to get over your obsessive need for the truth, and just realize that he isn’t going to come clean. Are you really going to throw away a good man, and what could be a good dad for your kid…all because you need him to “fess up?” You say he treats you so great…and he’s changed…so let it go.

If you deep down just don’t trust him (which your post kinda comes across as)…then just don’t be with him. I don’t think you can have a healthy family when the parents don’t trust or respect each other. It’s a huge loss that he is not going to be in the picture, but you can still go after him for child support. Better to end things now while the kid doesn’t know their dad than to keep him around and tear up the family later.

Good luck on your decision! J
Kinslayer is offline  
post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 04-28-2008, 04:17 PM
Howdy
Hard-Core Sybermom
 
SasCrotch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: flori-DUH
Posts: 5,667
           
Send a message via Yahoo to SasCrotch
I reiterate, go to counseling.

For the families sake, whether you stay with him, or leave him, you should both go to counseling about it.

SasCrotch is offline  
post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 05-02-2008, 06:26 AM Thread Starter
Unsupportive Freeloader
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 2
 
Update>>>

Thanks for your advice. We definately could use some counseling.

I have another little issue to complicate the mix. 8 months ago my DR routine tested me for all STD's because I am pregnant. Everything came out clean.

he now has had a bacterial infection in his penis and went to get it checked a week ago. The dr screened him for stds as well. He never told me he got screened for these until yesterday.... His results came back and they were clean except chlamydia came back inconclusive. He was upset and told me. He is worried because it could harm the baby in childbirth.

I reminded him I had been tested, but now he is convinced its chlamydia! I explained the logic that if he was faithful and he says he was, he has nothing to worry about. But his dr thinks thats what is wrong with him and he won't listen to me.... While waiting on the results, things are strained with us. I am upset that he doesn't just dismiss the idea. Isn't this an admission of guilt? I am due in 4 days. I am so confused!!!!
melodymaker77 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Sybermoms Parenting Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself. Do NOT use an AOL email address.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in











Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Even though I'm pregnant, pregnant people still annoy me... Sweetness Gestation Station 15 01-30-2007 07:06 PM
I can stay pregnant forever, right? Doodle Gestation Station 27 12-23-2003 09:31 AM

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome